Girl #1: I fucked in the ass last night for the first time.
Girl #2: Did it hurt?
Girl #1: Nope! But this morning when I shit it did! I think my hole got bigger!
Girl #2: That is sick!
Girl #1: You’re just jealous!
Girl #2: Maybe a little.
Augusta, Georgia
Girl: Yeah…after he got out of prison he moved back in with us. He was always flirting with me and once tried to make out with me.
Guy: Ummmmmm, did you tell your mom?
Girl: No, I didn't mind, I thought he was cute.
Jeffersonville, Indiana
Guy: Look! A squirrel!
Girl: Awww! It’s cute.
Guy: It’s a girl squirrel.
Girl: How do you know?
Guy: It has squirrel tits. [Girl hits him over the head.]
Newark, Delaware
Girl to friend: And then he said “do you like diapers with your bangers and mash?”
After Trax
Salt Lake City, Utah
Overheard by: I know you're watching
Girl: Mister, what’s that?
Teacher: That is an air purifier.
Girl: A what?
Teacher: An air purifier.
Girl: That’s crazy, what yo need an air purifier for?
Teacher: To get the pollen out of the air.
Girl: What’s pollen?
Teacher: Well, when trees have sex, they release pollen into the air.
Girl: You mean I am breathing in tree jizz!? [Shudders in repulsion at the thought.][Whole class laughs.]
High School
Austin, Texas
Guy to girl: So, do you call him “camp” for short?
Girl dead seriously: No, I call him master. He is my boyfriend, you know.
English Class
Tampa, Florida
Excited preteen girl to dad: Look, dad, it's Hannah Montana!
Dad: Honey, we get out of the house so that we don't have to sit around and watch this all day long.
Macy's
Bridgewater, New Jersey
Overheard by: AS
Hipster girl: I don't know, she just smells amazing. Her entire face smells like corn tortilla!
American Apparel
San Francisco, California
Waiter: Does anyone have a green Firebird?
20-something lesbian: I do, why?
Waiter: It's on fire in the parking lot!
(20-something lesbian and girlfriend go outside and return ten minutes later)
Waitress: Is everything okay?
20-something lesbian, matter of factly: Yeah, my car just caught fire. Can we have another plate?
Girlfriend, unaffected: Also, she ordered tempura.
Sushi Garden
Tucson, Arizona
Guy: But I hate wearing condoms! I can’t feel anything. I might as well put my dick in a cereal box.
Girl: I think my vagina is a bit different from a cereal box.
Dude, excitedly: If your vagina had cereal in it, I’d eat you out all the time!
Davidson, North Carolina
