Leathery hobo to passing students: One of you white-ass, livin’-inside motherfuckers owes me a dollar!
Austin, Texas
Overtired mom, after seeing infant fail to grasp something: See? Their reflexes suck. That’s why babies don’t drive cars.
Stunned husband: Uh, that and they can’t see over the steering wheel.
Wellsboro, Pennsylvania
Queer on cell: Stop it. She’s too chicken to be anorexic. It’s like, she’ll starve herself for two days, then eat a huge cookie.
Los Angeles, California
Linda: Ugh, this class is so depressing!
Professor: Let’s all take ten seconds to think about baby lambs to make Linda feel happy. [pause] Okay, back to Terri Schiavo!
Marist College
Poughkeepsie, New York
Coworker, indignantly: Stop locking up my chuzzles!
Bellingham, Washington
Overheard by: Should be working
Angry mother: Don’t do that! [Son screams.] I have friends, you know! You think I would rather be with you than with them?! I have a life!
Bethesda, Maryland
Overheard by: K-lee
20-ish girl: But he still gave me a ticket!
20-ish guy: That sucks.
20-ish girl: The cop said I was criminally fast.
20-ish guy: That sounds hot.
Mirage Secret Garden
Las Vegas, Nevada
Traveling college student to perplexed Cambodian waiter: What? You don’t have French toast? Weren’t you guys colonized by the French or something?
Restaurant
Phom Penh
Cambodia
(two lesbians taking items out of the shopping cart to place in their truck)
Butch lesbian (picking up a heavy box): Why do I always have to carry the heavy things just because I wear the dildo?
Wal-Mart
Dublin, Ohio
Overheard by: Octopus seeks sucker fish for good times and long walks
