Gripes

Frustrated waitress: There’s not enough Scotchguard in the world to help those sex cushions!

Rudyard’s
Houston, Texas

Overheard by: Hales

Teen boy #1: Wow, she’s hot.
Teen boy #2: What? She’s, like, ten! You’re a pedophile!
Teen boy #1: I’m not a pedophile — I’m only sixteen! You can’t be a pedophile until you’re eighteen.
Teen boy #3: That’s right — I’m the only pedophile here.
Teen boy #4: I’m almost a pedophile…

Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania

Overheard by: mikee

Female friend: I think there are no nude pictures of me… (pause) …On the internet.

Münster
Germany

Woman #1: Dammmnnn girl! This metro so damn crowded!
Woman #2: Shit yeah! Too many people here.
Woman #1: Don't worry, Obama gonna take care of that.

http://eavesdropdc.blogspot.com/2008/11/metro-yes-we-can.html

Overheard by: Ian

Waiter: … Chicken nachos all on her butt cheeks!

Arlington, Virginia

Overheard by: Nic

Dave Matthews Band groupie: Dude, the violinist totally screwed Dave up. He, like, totally blew his wad all over Dave’s song!

Starwood Amphitheater merchandise stand
Nashville, Tennessee

College jock: Girls suck. I would so be your gay lover if it weren’t for the whole butt-sex thing.
Scrawny friend: Me too, man.

Davis, California

Brunette hipster: Who’s Mario Batali?
Blonde hipster: You know, that red-haired chef that looks like he’d smell like ass.
Brunette hipster: Oh, okay. Yeah. Totally.

Toi
Los Angeles, California

Obnoxious 20-something chick: We went to a Yankees game and had the worst seats ever. We didn’t even see Derek Jeter’s ass! … Or anyone’s ass.

IHOP
Green Bay, Wisconsin

Girl: So, my roommate’s mom still lets her use her credit card, which is crazy! I mean, we’re like 24, and I’ve had my own credit card since forever… But anyways, I guess my roommate had a huge bill last month, and her mom got all upset and called her and said, ‘Maybe you should soak the credit cards and put them in the freezer, so when you get the impulse to use them they’ll be frozen.’ So now we have, like, three credit cards in a tub in our freezer.

Brown Line El
Chicago, Illinois