Guys

Girl: Can you poke the Mars Bars?
Guy: They don't feel white.
Girl: Do they feel brown?
Guy: Yep, they feel brown.

Calgary
Alberta
Canadia

Guy, suddenly getting up from table: Gotta go!
Girl #1: Where's he going?
Girl #2: Maybe he's Superman.

Wilfrid Laurier University
Waterloo, Ontario
Canadia

Overheard by: mookie

Chick to makeup artist: I want you to make me look like someone who just lost their virginity.

MAC Store
Toronto
Canadia

30-something guy : Growing up sucks. If I knew it was going to be like this I would have put on some tights and run away to fucking Neverland.

Ontario
Canadia

Scruffy dude picking up cell with fart noises as ringtone: Hi, honey.

Family Video
Brockport, New York

Overheard by: swear it was the phone

40-something guy: Dr. Phil man, he showed up for Britney, maybe he'll show up for me.

Airport Baggage Claim
Newark, New Jersey

Overheard by: Sarah

Dude: That's why I love Macs, install windows XP and it's like (snaps fingers) twenty minutes and you're done.
Dude #2: That's not good! That's like saying (snaps his fingers) you've got VD!

Canadia

Security agent: What's in the box, sir?
Guy with cardboard box: Pot. (long pause, then slowly) A ceramic pot.

Durango Airport
Durango Colorado

Girl drinking outside: It's just, like, I pay rent to live here, I don't want his semen and her little vagina juices everywhere!
Guy drinking outside: I don't think those guys walking by wanted to hear that.

Ann Arbor, Michigan

Overheard by: Guy walking by

Guy: Are they gay?
Friend: Yes, they're holding hands and wearing the same clothing.
(15 seconds later)
Guy: Are they gay?
Girl: That's a family.

Hillcrest, California