Male tour guide: So, this building is wh…
Sorostitute: Oh my god! Mike! (hugs tour guide)
Male tour guide: Hi…how are you?
Sorostitute: I'm great, but I gotta run, call me!
Mom in tour: I thought you said your name was Josh!
Male tour guide: It is…I don't know who that was.
Eastern Michigan University
Professor: Isn't Jim just a perplexing guy? I read his stories and I'm just like, “what's wrong with him?” Jim, you're just stoned all the time, aren't you? Are you stoned right now?
Jim: No!
Professor: But were you stoned earlier today?
Jim: Yes. But only because I was hungover!
Hartford, Connecticut
Overheard by: Claire
Straight girl: Butt sex, butt sex, butt sex!
Gay guy: You really love saying that, don't you?
Straight girl: Yes!
Gay professor: Do you prefer anal to vaginal!
Straight girl: Ewww, fuck no! I don't want anything in my asshole! See, I have a vagina. I have options, unlike gay men.
Gay professor: Ah, you'll never know the pleasures of prostate stimulation.
Westchester, New York
Man to small daughter: Do you know why they cut the elephants' tusks off? It's so they won't poke or hurt anybody. (pause) Just like we cut your fangs off when you were young.
St. Louis Zoo
St. Louis, Missouri
Overheard by: Katie
Woman, holding up holiday card: This card is perfect! It says exactly what I want! (reads typical greeting card poem)
Man: Wow, it really says that?
Woman: Well, I made part of it up.
Fred Meyer Store
Oregon
Crazy man #1: Are you from Mexico or Switzerland?
Crazy man #2: I am from Georgia! From the mountains.
Crazy man #1: North Georgia?
Crazy man #2: No, the mountains.
Crazy man #1: Are you friends with Santa Claus?
Crazy man #2: No, me and Santa don't get along.
Marta Train
Atlanta, Georgia
Overheard by: Jessica
Very large man, staring down at his junk in front of urinal: Come on now, baby, you can do it, come on…
Houston, Texas
Overheard by: Dan
Asian girl, holding out fist: Pound it?
Queer: Do I look like someone who pounds it?
Asian girl, giggling: Ummmm…
West Lafayette, Indiana
Overheard by: Kole
Father to son in stroller: Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall; Humpty Dumpty had a great fall; Humpty Dumpty hired a great lawyer; Humpty Dumpty sued the pants of the wall maker.
K Street
Washington, DC
