Guy: It's all just an elaborate excuse to teabag someone!
Sandy Springs, Georgia
Guy: Nothing, nothing turns me on more than Jurassic Park-themed role play.
Queen's University
Kingston, Canadia
Overheard by: Kat
Little boy: Mommy, if a turtle has no shell is it naked or homeless?
Mother: It would be dead, sweetheart.
Little boy: That's sad, mommy.
Mother: No, it isn't, dear. Come on, this is our stop.
Metro
Washington, DC
Furry man to girlfriend, loudly: So does your sister, like, *never* shave her legs?
Rutgers University
New Brunswick, New Jersey
Guy picking up copy of Les Miserables: Oh my god, look at the size of this thing! What a crappy book!
Barnes & Noble
Mankato, Minnesota
Middle-aged man: So, how is your husband?
Middle-aged woman: He left me three years ago.
Man: Oh. (awkward/embarrassed laugh) I'm sorry to hear that.
Woman: It's okay, I bought myself a kayak.
Charlottesville, Virginia
Guy #1: No man, I told her I don't want kids. I just want dogs.
Guy #2: Then why not just have kids?
Manhattan, New York
Dude on cell: You are a liar. We talked about this before. (5 minutes later) Did you wash the red comforter? (pause) So you think I'm just going to sleep in the bed where she got her pussy juice?
Koreatown
Los Angeles, California
Random guy at party: I can't believe I almost peed on that girl's face.
Fredericksburg, Virginia
Chick: How can free will and divine preordination coexist?
Dude: Smack da shit out dat ho?
High School Classroom
Englewood, Colorado
