And That the Nineties Are Over

Drunk teenage boy: Heyyy, ssssuuuuupp, buddd… (stumbles away)
Sober teenage boy: I guess he's too drunk to notice that we're not friends.

Red Bank, New Jersey

Posted on May 30, 2009
Default, Drinking & drunks, Drunks, Guys, New Jersey, Relationships, Teens, Words

Nothing Says Spring Like the Scent Of Ice Cream and Urine

Small boy with ice cream cone, trying to get mom's attention: I peed my pants! I peed my pants! Mommy, listen to me, I peed my pants!
Mom, deadpan: I bet that's real uncomfortable for you.
Dad to son: When we get home we are just gonna have to hose you down.
Son to dad: Oh yeah, make me lay on the yard and then spray the hose on me, and on my penis, and down my pants on my penis!
Boy's brother, from minivan: Ew! You can spell the pee!

Bucks County, Pennsylvania

Overheard by: free birth control

Posted on May 28, 2009
Clothes, Dads, Default, Family, Family ties, Guys, Kids, Moms, Pee, Penis, Pennsylvania, Women

To Be Fair, This Is His Answer to Everything

Instructor to swim class: Okay, who can tell me one thing we can wear to protect ourselves from the sun?
Three-year-old boy, after much thought: Teeth!

YMCA
Easton, Pennsylvania

Posted on May 27, 2009
Body parts, Default, Guys, Kids, Offers and requests, Pennsylvania, Questions, Teachers

I Promise I'll Try It at the Neighbors' House First

Guy on phone: Yes, they light on fire. Yes, I won't do it in my room.

Saratoga, California

Posted on May 24, 2009
Advice, California, Compare and contrast, Default, Guys, Weirdness, Words

I Was That Baby!

Three-year-old girl: Did you hear about the baby that ate shirts?
Three-year-old boy #1: Did you hear about the baby that ate hats?
Three-year-old boy #2: Did you hear about the baby that ate people?

Denver, Colorado

Posted on May 23, 2009
Clothes, Colorado, Default, Food, Girls, Guys, Kids, Questions

I Find the Current Lend-Lease Arrangement Quite Satisfactory

Guy: I am making this shitty 50% less sodium Progresso chicken noodle soup. Tastes like penis!
Girl: Always an appealing taste.
Guy: If I ever get a twitter, that's my first status.
Girl: I'm tempted to get one. (pause) A twitter, not a penis.

University of Kansas

Posted on May 22, 2009
Birds, Colleges & Universities, Compare and contrast, Default, Food, Girls, Guys, Internet, Kansas, Penis

Colleges Really Should Let Freshmen Drive

Guy at comic book store: The last thing I want to see when watching Transformers is the car crying in the garage all alone because the kid is going away to college.

Muskegon, Michigan

Posted on May 22, 2009
Default, Feelings, Guys, Kids, Michigan, Movies

Every Presentation Was Brought to Us by the Letter “O”

Chick: I was in your area during lunch and thought about asking you to meet me for a quickie.
Dude: What the fuck? And you didn't, because…?
Chick: I had to drive some coworkers back to the city. Wasn't sure what to do with them while we copulated.
Dude: Do what my parents did, sit them down in front of the tv, turn on Sesame Street and turn it up!

Conshohocken, Pennsylvania