Guy: I wonder why they don't make “ribbed for her pleasure” Magnums.
Girl: Because if your shit's that big to need a Magnum, it's already her pleasure.
CVS
Atlanta, Georgia
(outside the university library)
Guy #1: So you scored.
Guy #2: And I know the holocaust inside and out.
Halifax, Nova Scotia
Canadia
Enthusiastic guy: I mean, the only thing I hated worse than the word “gist” was eating squash and touching cotton balls.
Seattle, Washington
Guy about stripper girlfriend: I asked her to get STD tested, but she said she was almost done with her chlamydia medication, so it's all good.
Frisco, Texas
Overheard by: C.D.
Police officer: So that's when they started pulling baseball bats out of their pants?
Guy: Yeah, baseball bats and machetes!
Tysons Corner
Fairfax County, Virginia
Overheard by: Jack
Guy to date: She cheated on me, so I dumped her. Then I cheated on her and two weeks later we were back together.
Freehold, New Jersey
Male student: I just… can't control my erections.
Library, University of Washington
Seattle, Washington
Girl #1: She finally cleaned up the dog crap!
Girl #2: What? Her dog crapped in the house?
Girl #1: No, but it was all over the front yard. Can you imagine me trying to walk through that drunk?
Guy: I'm pretty sure that what happens when you're drunk is your responsibility. Getting trashed doesn't make stepping in dog shit someone else's fault.
Girl #1: Don't hate! Oh my god!
Millersville University
Millersville, Pennsylvania
Random guy: Dudes! I just wasted 30,000 feet of caution tape!
Sheetz
Pennsylvania
College guy: He's going to be the kind of teacher who punches his kids' sandwiches. Peanut butter and jelly? I don't think so! Peanut butter and smush!
ECU Dining Hall
Greenville, North Carolina
