Yeah, I’m the Smart-Ass Who Isn’t Out of Insulin

Woman behind counter: The doctor isn’t here.
Old lady: What about a nurse?
Woman behind counter: The nurses aren’t allowed to write prescriptions.
Old lady: Well, you know, you’re a fucking smartass.

Memphis, Tennessee

Overheard by: Jesa

Posted on July 26, 2015
Insults, Nurses, Old folks, Tennessee

…Unless You're Ready to Make the Commitment Once and for All.

Construction worker #1, singing: I'm not talking 'bout moving in…
Construction worker #2: Shut the fuck up already!

Thibodaux, Louisiana

Posted on July 24, 2015
Comebacks, Construction workers, Insults, Louisiana

And That I’m Getting a Free Dinner

Man to girl he’s trying to hit on: [Flashes American Express card] What does this mean to you?
Girl: … It means you’re a douche.

Edendale Grill
Los Angeles, California

Posted on July 24, 2015
California, Chicks, Insults, Jerks

But I Told You Not to Call Me at Work, Grandma

Salesclerk: Your total is $1.81. [Into her cellphone.] Don’t worry, girl, I am listening to yo’ hideous self!

Lawrence, Kansas

Overheard by: kerblammerz

Posted on July 23, 2015
Default, Employees, Etiquette, Guys, Insults, Kansas, Money, On the phone, Stores

From Don’t Tell Mom the Babysitter’s Giving Head

Girl #1: Well, you know she gave that guy a blow job when three other people were in the room. Someone was bound to find out.
Girl #2: I’ve never even done it in front of people.
Girl #1: Me either, I’m not that slutty.
Younger girl with them: Oh, guess just me then?
Girl #1: You gave someone a blowjob with people watching?!
Younger girl: Uh, yeah. Back when I was 15 and drunk.
Girl #1: I’m your aunt: should you really have told me that, McSlutty?

Park
San Diego, California

Posted on July 22, 2015
Age and ageing, BJs, California, Default, Drinking & drunks, Family, Family ties, Girls, Insults, Memory lane, Names, Weirdness

Like Putting Mayo on French Fries

Jock on cell: I bet he’s a lame fuck. He wouldn’t do any of that weird stuff you like.

Barton Springs Pool
Austin, Texas

Posted on July 21, 2015
Compare and contrast, Default, Insults, Jocks, Kink, On the phone, Texas

Whether This Is a Turn-on or a Turn-off Says a Lot About Her As a Woman

Drunk white guy making out with Indian girl, shouting at a guy with Christian slogans: Oi! Oi! Christians fuck off!

Leamington Spa
England

Overheard by: Bleep

Posted on July 20, 2015
Christianity, Drunks, England, Insults, Weirdness

Beverly Hills? You're Already There.

Buff Asian kid, squinting at label on microscope: Made in… Douche-land? What the fuck is douche-land?

Beverly Hills High School
Beverly Hills, California

Posted on July 19, 2015
Asians, California, Geography, Insults, Kids, Names, Questions, School [Elem., Middle, & High], Stupidity

Who Also Happens to Be My Husband.

Teen mum #1 with baby in pushchair: Ah! Lovely baby boy! Who's the father?
Teen mum #2 with baby in pushchair: That scumbag from the pub a few months back.

Clothes Store
Dartford
England

Posted on July 16, 2015
England, Insults, Kids, Moms, Parenting, Stores, Teens

And She Totally Fled the Trade Towers on 9/11

Drunk hipster girl: Let's drunk dial Cameron!
Drunker hipster guy: I hate Cameron!
Drunkest hipster guy: You know what my biggest problem with Cameron is? She wasn't in New Orleans during hurricane Katrina.

Hollywood Bowl
Los Angeles, California

Overheard by: Chantily

Posted on July 14, 2015
California, Drunks, Guys, Hipsters, Insults, Offers and requests, Tourist attractions, Wishes

Insults