Wouldn't Want People to Think I'm Less Than a Lady

20-year-old female emo: So basically, after hours of arguing outside his house, I was so fed up I told him to fucking suck my dick.
30-year-old female friend: Wow, what happened after that?
20-year-old female emo: I left. He was being such a fucking cunt. I wanted to piss in his mouth. He made me drive home drunk!
30-year-old female friend: He could at least offer to like, let you spend the night.
20-year-old female friend: Like, I don't even know, he's such a bitch boyfriend. I honestly hopes he gets the herpes.
30-year-old female friend: You have such a dirty mouth.
20-year-old female emo: Oh, is my lipstick smudged or something?

Starbucks
San Francisco, California

Posted on June 7, 2018
California, Default, Friends, Girls, Maladies, Pee, Penis, Questions, Relationships, Restaurants, Sex, Wishes

As Long As You Diligently Come to Office Hours

Teacher: Listen, I guarantee that by the time you graduate, each one of you will have a form of herpes.

New York City, New York

Posted on April 4, 2018
Default, Education, Maladies, New York, Teachers, Weirdness

Voters Are Evenly Split on My Ovaries

Girl to friend: But yeah, my uterus sucks. I wish I just had a vagina and it ended there. But I do love my pancreas!

University of Arizona

Posted on January 10, 2018
Arizona, Chicks, Maladies, Sexuality, Uterus, Vagina

She Was Also Fantastic at Hiding in Attics

Girl: Do you know who Helen Keller is?
Guy: No.
Girl: Well, she was blind, deaf, and something else…
Guy: Dumb?
Girl: No, she was quite intelligent actually, but I think she could smell.

Corvallis, Oregon

Posted on October 29, 2017
Default, Girls, Guys, History, Maladies, Oregon, Questions, Sensory experiences, Stupidity, Words

Women Have Biological Clocks; Men Have Pop-up Timers

Woman #1: In all seriousness, given the choice, I don't know whether I'd prefer to be male or female.
Woman #2: It'd be really nice not to have cramps.
Woman #1: Yeah, and bleeding in public can be embarrassing, but perhaps less embarrassing than having things “pop up” unexpectedly.

Santa Cruz, California

Overheard by: Angelica Burns

Posted on August 1, 2017
California, Compare and contrast, Gender issues, Maladies, Penis, Women

Either Way, Your Old Life Is Over

Woman: I imagine that finding out you have a tumor is very much like finding out you're pregnant.

Los Angeles, California

Posted on July 28, 2017
California, Compare and contrast, Health & Hygiene, Maladies, Stupidity, Women

Who Are You?

Guy to girl: What? Your tummy hurts? Let’s make out!

Auburn, Alabama

Posted on March 2, 2017
Couples, Default, Foreplay, Maladies, Offers and requests

So, Why’d God Break Your Hip, Myrtle?

Old lady #1: … And now he’s crippled!
Old lady #2: Well, of course he is. That’s what God does to people who get divorced.
Old lady #1: That’s true.

Milwaukee, Wisconsin

Overheard by: Voudou

Posted on January 31, 2017
God, Maladies, Old folks, Relationships, Wisconsin

Luckily, I Was There to Apply Blush on Her While They Were Removing Her Lung

Woman on cell: I totally didn’t recognize her. Yeah, so I guess she thinks she can get away with not doing her hair and make-up before surgery.

Office Depot
Fort Worth, Texas

Posted on January 19, 2017
Beauty, Biotechs, Maladies, North America, On the phone, Stores, Texas, USA

As My Mom Used to Say to Us When We Were Little Kids

Boy #1: Why do you have all your stuff with you?
Boy #2, carrying oversized bag of athletic equipment: I have class at 3:50, then I have to ride straight over to practice.
Boy #1: Oh, that sucks.
Boy #2: Well, it could be worse. I could have syphilis.

http://overheardinpdx.blogspot.com/2008/10/glass-half-full.html

Overheard by: lilly

Posted on June 6, 2016
Guys, Maladies, Overheard in PDX, Questions, Time Management

Maladies