Professor: Well, I'm not supposed to state my own political views. (pause) Ah, to hell with it, I'm just going to say it: Sarah Palin is a complete fucking disaster!
University of Maryland
College Park, Maryland
Overheard by: Brittany
Professor: Well, I'm not supposed to state my own political views. (pause) Ah, to hell with it, I'm just going to say it: Sarah Palin is a complete fucking disaster!
University of Maryland
College Park, Maryland
Overheard by: Brittany
Bartender #1: Yeah, so I had this weird shit comin' outta my dick. It was sick, dude. Like this funky green pus-like shit oozing from the tip. Smelled like shit, too.
Bartender #2: Dude, you need to quit boning so many filthy whores. You're like rotting from the inside.
Bartender #1: Shit, man, I don't give a fuck. As long as I keep gettin' laid.
Bartender #2: You ain't gonna be doin' shit if your fuckin' nasty dick falls off.
Bartender #1: I know, right? This last chick I nailed was a total slut. I pulled down my pants and she could smell whatever's up with my cock. She goes “Ew, what stinks? Is that your dick?” And I go, “No, it's my feet, I swear!” Then I just pulled her towards me and shoved it in. It was awesome.
Bartender #2: Fuck, man. Something's definitely wrong with you.
Gaithersburg, Maryland
Overheard by: Nasty Nate
Party girl: It's a pow-wow!
Party guy: Dude, everyone knows it's not a pow-wow without a fire.
Party girl: I have a sombrero.
Party guy: No, no, that's a fiesta!
Salisbury, Maryland
Dude to chick: It's the first day of class–let's get wasted! (both hi five)
Maryland Institute College of Art
Baltimore, Maryland
Overheard by: widget
Girl #1, reading a text: Oh my god, now he says that when I get home he's going to eat the shit out of that apple pie.
Girl #2: Does he know we've been using apple pie as a euphemism for sex all day?
Girl #1: No…
Gaithersburg, Maryland
Biology professor: Hey, didn’t they discover that process in corals?
Grad student: No, they discovered that in plants.
Biology professor: That’s what I just said!
Grad student: But coral is not a plant.
Biology professor: What? Yes, it is!
Grad student: No, it’s not, it’s an animal!
Biology professor: Since when?
Grad student: Since always — go look it up!
Biology professor, after disappearing for five minutes: Fucking Wikipedia…
3400 North Charles Street
Baltimore, Maryland
Overheard by: How’d you get this job, anyway?
Sorostitute on cell: Like, I don’t know, we hook up every now and then, and we talk… But, like, not about stuff.
Johns Hopkins University
Baltimore, Maryland
Overheard by: LabCat
Woman, paying for breakfast: I had to beat up my son for this five dollars.
Deli Counter
Bethesda, Maryland
Overheard by: Minivet
Goateed gentleman: I tried to teach her that certain words for things were different, like that toothpaste was actually “poop,” but I think I waited until she was a bit too old.
Mars Volta Concert, Rams Head Live
Baltimore, Maryland
Overheard by: Greeg
