Loud preppy undergrad: So I said to him, ‘Either you sleep with me or you clean the sheets.’

Alexander’s Restaurant
Saskatoon, Saskatchewan

Preppy cutie, about steroided-up jock: Oh my god! He just winked at me!
Sarcastic friend: You sure it's not a twitch?
Preppie cutie: Your mom has a twitch! That's how she had you!
(friends stare)
Friend: What?!

El Paso, Texas

Overheard by:

Teen girl #1: I don't get why they put “eat it” by the cheerleaders.
Teen girl #2: Me neither. You can't, like, eat cheers.
Teen girl #1: Yeah… But you can eat cheerleaders.

High School

Preppy girl on cell: You know, why don't you talk more? Why don't you participate? I just wish you would say something not stupid.

Somerville, Massachusetts

Overheard by: timmmm

Preppy girl #1: So, Emily's a total slut.
Preppy girl #2: I know, right?
Preppy guy: Wait, what's she like?
Preppy girl #1: Umm, like, a d.
Preppy girl #2: No, no, no: double d.
Preppy guy: I was talking about her personality, but thanks…

Manhattan, New York

Preppy tween girl #1: So you're grounded?
Preppy tween girl #2: Worse. My mom threw away my pacifiers.

Madison, Wisconsin

High school freshman, examining friend's boot in hallway: These are like hooker boots, except crochet.

High School

Overheard by: One fine piece of needlework

Preppy girl #1: So I had it all over me, it was on my hands and my face…
Preppy girl #2: Oh my god! Did you throw up?

San Luis Obispo, California

13-year-old preppy white girl: It be sneakah time, ya'll!

Deptford Mall
Deptford, New Jersey

No Wonder King Cole Isn't a Merry Old Soul Anymore

Preppy college girl to friend: She was the girl who would go down on him while lighting his bowl. She was the perfect girl for him. It's too bad she went crazy, they would have been so happy together!

Overheard by: burrhead.