If Only Our Current Administration Could Grasp That Principle

Teacher: Hey! Who was screaming?
Three-year-old: I was.
Teacher: Well, stop screaming inside.
Three-year-old: Sam* was screaming.
Teacher: Look, important lesson for the future: keep your lies consistent.

Denver, Colorado

Overheard by: Lee

Posted on September 25, 2008
Colorado, Default, Education, Kids, Lies, Questions, Teachers

What Kind of Landlady Makes Bandana-Wearing a Lease Requirement?

Girl on cell: So, did I tell you? I got fired from my job. (pause) Yeah, I guess I'm not a very good gay and lesbian promoter. (pause) Well I'm not gay, so maybe that had something to do with it. (pause) Oh, didn't you hear? I got kicked out of my apartment last week, too. (pause) Yeah, it's gay.

Redline MAX
Portland, OR

Overheard by: Gus

Posted on September 24, 2008
Default, Girls, Jobs & Careers, On the phone, Oregon, Public transportation, Questions, Sexuality

Santa Summers in Stamford

Conductor: Stamford, Stamford stop is…ooh, did you see those two baby reindeer?!

MetroNorth Train
Stamford, Connecticut

Posted on September 24, 2008
Animals, Conductors, Connecticut, Public transportation, Questions, Train

Yeah, Um, About That Jerri-Curl

Camp counselor: Do you have shampoo with you?
Seven-year-old camper: I don't wash my hair. I'm black! Duh.

Rec Center Pool
New York, New York

Posted on September 23, 2008
Compare and contrast, Default, Hair, Health & Hygiene, Kids, New York, Questions, Race, Teachers

But the Sombrero Is Just for Style

Prof: Is today Cinco de Mayo?
Girl: No, that's in a few days.
Prof: Well, I had a few shots of tequila when I got up this morning, just in case.

Seattle, Washington

Overheard by: Face

Posted on September 22, 2008
Default, Drinking & drunks, Holidays, Questions, Teachers, Washington, Weirdness

If Golden Girls Had Been a Cable Show

60-something daughter: Mother, your hair looks like crap. You cannot wear your hair like that on Easter.
80-something mother: I do not give a rat's ass what my hair has to do with it. What does Easter have to do with it?
6o-something daughter: Mother! You are going to hell for saying that!
80-something mother: I'm going to hell for saying “Easter”?
60-something daughter: No, mother, for saying “ass”! For saying “ass” on Easter!
80-something mother: Oh, hell, really? Well, most of my family's going to hell anyway, so Easter ass, Easter ass, Easter ass, Easter ass! So, there! Happy?

Grandma's house
Illinois

Posted on September 22, 2008
Christianity, Default, Hair, Holidays, Illinois, Insults, Moms, Old folks, Questions, Women, Words

But I'm Half Gay So It's Acceptable, Right?

Extremely effeminate boy (taking deep breath): So…I think I am bi. (flips hair)
Blonde girl (flipping page in magazine, sounding bored): Hmmm. Are you?
Extremely effeminate boy: Yes! (flips hair) I am bi!
Blonde girl: Well, duh. You never stop checking out other guys!
Extremely effeminate boy: I'm not gay, though. My mom thought I was gay.
Blonde girl: I know you're not gay. (pause) For one thing, you are looking at my boobs right now.
Extremely effeminate boy: Oh. Right.
Blonde girl: You feel like stopping?
Extremely effeminate boy: …not particularly.

Washington Square Park
New York City, New York

Posted on September 21, 2008
Bi-curious, Default, Gender issues, Girls, Guys, New York, Nipples, Questions, Sexuality

Whoever Cares the Least Wins the Fight

Woman (sarcastically): I'm sorry, I'm such a bitch.
Man: Hmm…
Woman: You think I'm a bitch, don't you?
Man: I didn't say that.
Woman: You didn't disagree with me.
Man: You know yourself better than I do.
Woman: I can't believe you called me a bitch.
Man: I didn't call you a bitch, you called yourself a bitch.
Woman: But you didn't tell me I'm not a bitch.
Man: Because you're acting like a bitch.
Woman: See? You think I'm a bitch!
Man: I said you were acting like a bitch.
Woman: Whats the difference?
Man: Dustin Hoffman acted like a retard, but it doesn't mean he is one.
Woman: I don't know what that's supposed to mean, but you're a dick for thinking I'm a bitch.
Man: Do you mean I'm acting like a dick or I am a dick?
Woman: Fuck you! (storms out)
Man: Too easy. Caramel Macchiato please!