I Also Liked Starving My Baby to Death

Teacher: No one liked middle school. Everyone hates middle school. I'd rather starve to death than teach middle school. I'd rather starve my baby to death than teach middle school.
Student: I liked middle school.
Teacher: Freak!

Portland, Maine

Posted on August 22, 2009
Compare and contrast, Death & dying, Education, Gripes, Insults, Kids, Maine, Students, Teachers

I'd Love to Sniff Your Pores.

Professor: And that's why caffeine is my drug of choice. (awkward pause) So who here had some caffeine today?

University of Rochester, New York

Posted on August 14, 2009
Compare and contrast, Drugs, Food, New York, Questions, Students, Teachers

You Monster!

Student: Is there anything I can do to make this grade better?
Teacher: Uh, do better work.

Boston, Massachusetts

Posted on August 10, 2009
Education, Massachusetts, Questions, Students, Teachers

Not Even a Semi? You Disappoint Me.

Professor: Here's a good thing to compare to the turgor pressure in a plant cell: have any of you seen an erection?

University of Illinois at Chicago

Overheard by: suddenly paying attention

Posted on August 6, 2009
Colleges & Universities, Compare and contrast, Education, Erections, Illinois, Questions, Science, Students, Teachers, Weirdness

Now Everyone Brace Yourselves While I Release the Bee

Teacher: If there's a bee flying around the classroom, I don't want you to freak out. But, if you get stung by a bee, I want you to jump up, scream, run for the door, run into the door because you didn't open it, scream again, and run out. If you're going to disturb the class, we might as well get a laugh out of it.

Bristol, Vermont

Overheard by: Misaki

Posted on August 5, 2009
Class, Education, Insects, Students, Teachers, Vermont, Weirdness, Wishes

Or Don't Be the Idiot Who Schedules Things Before Noon

Professor, at 8 am: If coffee doesn't work, drink RedBull. But if that doesn't work, I suggest amphetamines or heroin.

Class, SUNY
Purchase, New York

Overheard by: Jessica

Posted on August 4, 2009
Advice, Class, Drugs, Education, Food, New York, Students, Teachers, Weirdness

Verne Troyer Has Forever Ruined That Role

Teacher: Oh my god, I love you, Erica! You're like a little me!
Student: Ew!

Middle School
Virginia

Overheard by: Eh, there are worse things

Posted on July 30, 2009
Bringing it back to you, Education, Feelings, School [Elem., Middle, & High], Students, Teachers, Virginia, Weirdness

Religious Freedom's Expensive

Teacher: Why did the Pilgrims come to America?
Student: Because they wanted to dig for gold!
(later)
Teacher: Why did the Puritans come to America?
Student: Oh! I know this one! They're the ones that wanted to dig for gold!

East Greenbush, New York

Posted on July 18, 2009
Education, History, New York, Questions, Students, Stupidity, Teachers, Wishes

Woody Allen Was a Tedious Child

Teacher to four-year-old boy: How do you like your teacher?
Four-year-old boy, frustrated: I don't. She's always yelling at me.
Teacher: Well, it will be okay. At least you'll be going home soon.
Four-year-old boy, throwing hands in the air: No, it won't! It's never going to end!

Indianapolis, Indiana

Posted on July 12, 2009
Education, Indiana, Kids, Students, Teachers

…While the Three Little Pigs Watched Through Binoculars.

Psych professor: Jack and Jill went up the hill to have a sexual encounter.

Purdue University
West Lafayette, Indiana

Posted on July 11, 2009
Colleges & Universities, Education, Indiana, Sex, Singing, Teachers

Teachers