Professor: In a year or two, you're going to graduate and have to face the hard decision about what to do with your life. Some of you will be lawyers, some of you will be engineers, and some of you will opt for a life of crime. When you do, and you get caught, roll over on the person you're caught with, and ask for absolute immunity. I hope you don't choose a life of crime, but if you do, at least be smart about it.
Pre-law Class
USC
Student: What would Elvis say?
Professor: What would Plato say?
Student: What would Butler say?
Campbell: What would Foucault say?
Girl in back row: All I know is he broke a table.
University of Mary Washington
Fredericksburg, Virginia
Overheard by: elvis eavesdropper
Greek mythology professor: So, why is there a flying penis on the screen?
Amherst, Massachusetts
Biology professor: You're getting me all nervous about my penis… Which I measure daily.
Community College
Illinois
High school government teacher: Which country has the most negative image?
Student, enthusiastically: Africa!
Virginia Beach, Virginia
Professor, discussing types of fat: Babies aren't fat like… (points at a fat girl) No, I don't want to say that… like my tummy.
University of Georgia
Statistics teacher: There is a correlation between cats and happiness. Cats make people happy. But not all cats. I still have nightmares about some cats. When I was a little girl, there was this cat, Greta, who lived outdoors. I wanted to pet her, but she scratched up my whole arm and got her claws into my protoplasm!
Atlanta, Georgia
Biology professor, a month into school: You have an exam next Monday… I mean Tuesday. Next Tuesday. (chuckle) You don't have this class on Mondays.
Really blonde girl in the back: Wait! We don't?!
Blinn College
Brenham, Texas
Overheard by: Face Palm
Professor: I don't even turn on the television anymore. It's just violence. It's all rape, and gore, and homosexual pedophiles in wheelchairs who chop up grandmothers.
http://www.overheardatmcgill.com/archives/2008/04/01/wasnt-that-the-season-finale-of-what-not-to-wear/
Overheard by: philosopher
Chemistry lab professor: Families work well only if they are close-knit. Unlike those people who went and had eight kids. Who cares about them? I wish someone would just go shoot them.
Edison State College
Fort Myers, Florida
Overheard by: Chikara
