Kindly Extract the Lens from My Rectum

Teen boy: Look, you're being molested! It's a Kodak moment!

Humanex Academy
Englewood, Colorado

Posted on June 29, 2009
Colorado, Teens, Violence, Weirdness

Try It and You're Outtie.

Dad to kid: Come back here, or I'll have to beat you!
Kid, indignant: You can't beat me! I'm a belly button!

Wal-Mart
Pasco, Washington

Posted on June 23, 2009
Body parts, Dads, Kids, Parenting, Stores, Threats, Violence, Washington

And the State Will Take Both Of Us Away

Woman to four-year-old daughter: Do not touch anything. Do you know what will happen if you touch something?
Little girl: You'll smack me in the face!

Liquor Store
New Jersey

Posted on June 23, 2009
Kids, Moms, New Jersey, Questions, Stores, Threats, Violence, Weirdness

Jerry Springer Expands to Foreign Markets.

Mother to teen son: Your hair needs a cut.
Teen son: Your face needs a cut.
Dad: Your face needs a punch!

Ebdentown
New Zealand

Overheard by: Schmitty

Posted on June 8, 2009
Body parts, Compare and contrast, Dads, Default, Family, Guys, Hair, Moms, New Zealand, Offers and requests, Teens, Violence

NewsFlash: Happy Feet Director's Cut Startles Movie Patrons

Scary-looking older woman with two teenage girls: Well, they only skinned and hung up one man by his ankles.

Movie Entrance, Chapel Hills Mall
Colorado Springs, Colorado

Posted on June 6, 2009
Body parts, Colorado, Default, Malls, Old folks, Violence, Weirdness, Women

Every Angelina Jolie Movie, in a Nutshell

Sex and Violence professor, at the end of the semester: You are sexy, you are violent. It's been an honor.

Pomona College
Claremont, California

Overheard by: Mell

Posted on May 21, 2009
California, Colleges & Universities, Compliments, Default, Sex, Teachers, Violence, Weirdness

So Then They Both Went Out for Fro-Yo

20-something girl at bar: So then Steve went to Danny's house, and he had to break his legs, cos…you know…
Friend: Yeah, that's a shame.

Brighton
England

Posted on April 28, 2009
Bars & Clubs, Body parts, Default, England, Friends, Girls, Gossip, Violence

Isn't This Guy a Character on The Real World?

Ripped gym guy #1: This Jamaican guy showed me an ab exercise yesterday…it will kill you!
Ripped gym guy #2: (stares blankly, no reaction)
Ripped gym guy #1, louder: It will kill you! It will kill! You!!

Gym
Los Angeles, California

Overheard by: wow, really?

Posted on April 13, 2009
California, Death & dying, Default, Geography, Guys, Gym rats, Health & Hygiene, Violence

Poleballing Is Huge in Canadia

Passerby to girl: They cut off my balls and taped them to a fucking pole.

Ottawa
Canadia

Posted on February 9, 2009
Balls, Canadia, Default, Guys, Violence, Weirdness

After I Rolled Your Lungs and Smoked the Tar Out of Them

Nurse #1 (during break): I hope you don't mind, I took one of your cigarettes from your purse because I was really craving one.
Nurse #2: it's no problem. (pause) Wait. Was it my last one?
Nurse #1: Yeah…is that a problem?
Nurse #2 (furious): Are you fucking kidding me?!
Nurse #1: Yeah, yeah, relax! I was just kidding. There's two more in there.
Nurse #2: Oh my god. Don't joke about things like that.
Nurse #1 (nervously): Hahaha. I'd be lying if I told you I wasn't scared for my life just now.
Nurse #2 (seriously): And I'd be lying if I told you I wasn't thinking of places to hide your body.

Geneva General Hospital
Geneva, New York

Overheard by: molly guns

Posted on January 23, 2009
Default, Fears, New York, Nurses, Questions, Violence, Wishes