Professor on cell: And two students speak at the same time, completely disagreeing with each other. So I just shout “fight!”
University of Oregon
Professor on cell: And two students speak at the same time, completely disagreeing with each other. So I just shout “fight!”
University of Oregon
Overzealous personal trainer to neophyte trainee: Touch yourself in the butt!
Gym
West Long Branch, New Jersey
Overheard by: Robert
Kid #1: Yo, man! You're missin' somethin'.”
Kid #2: What?
Kid #1: Yeah, you look weird now that you got a haircut.
Kid #2: Huh?
Kid #1: You need to get some earrings!
SUNY
Old Westbury, New York
Guy #1: I love getting Lisa* Taco Bell.
Guy #2: Why’s that?
Guy #1: It’s gonna get her fat! I’m going to get extra sour cream and she’s going to be all like: “Damn, this is delicious!” Meanwhile, she’ll be getting fat.
Kangaroo
Gainesville, Florida
Blonde wife: You do realize that our son is going to tell his schoolmates that Jesus is either a zombie or a vampire. Then we are going to have to explain to his teacher that we are Jewish.
Asian husband: And that you are just bad at explaining things?
Houston, Texas
Teen girl #1: You know, in some ways I really despise you.
Teen girl #2: What?!
Teen girl #1: It's okay, I didn't mean it; I just wanted to say something to hurt your feelings!
Shropshire
England
Professor: Society, chocolate pudding, and cars. All complex phenomena.
Oberlin, Ohio
Overheard by: secret Spy
Woman #1 in bathroom stall: You should have an orgy!
Woman #2 in next bathroom stall: I know, that's what I said!
Bathroom, Bar
Olympia, Washington
Overheard by: H
Guy on cell: My mom's husband is my dad's wife's ex-husband. Now you know why I live in Seattle–as far away as I can get on the continental US.
Bank of America
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: Thinking holidays must be rough
Cashier to woman in express line with 50 items: Ma'am, this is the ten-or-less line.
Woman: Oh, sorry! My son got in trouble and I got on the wrong exercise bike!
Cashier: Oh.
Quincy, Massachusetts
