Guy to friend in a bar, after woman suddenly departed: What happened? Where'd she go?
Friend: I'm pretty sure she left. She kept on telling me she has no self-esteem at all and that she has a huge nose. So I just told her, “look, you really don't have a huge nose–you just have a Wicked Witch of the West nose.”
Guy: Fuck. Why do I even bother trying to fix you up with my friends?
Franco's Bar
Highland, Indiana
Pretty lady: You say a lot of bad words. Some people say that happens when you don’t have the intelligence to express your self otherwise.
College kid: That ain’t the case with me. I got a fuckin’ vocabulary, man. I just use words everyone understands, like ‘shit’ and ‘fuck’ and what-not, so I don’t obfuscate my meaning.
Panama City, Panama
Male student #1: I was seriously one letter away from spelling ‘vagina.’
Male student #2: That’s a pretty high-scoring word.
Male student #3: You’d be, like, a Scrabble Club hero or something.
Addelstone Library
Charleston, South Carolina
Overheard by: i was impressed
Student, talking about Marxism and class struggle: Above ground, it's really nice, and there are buildings and cars, so that's the bourgeoisie. And underground is the proletariat, because it's messy, and it's basically just…dirt.
(class nods in silent awe).
High School
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: embarassed to be here
Girl to friend: So on the way here, I joined the mile high club…by myself!
Auburn University
Auburn, Alabama
Hungover guy #1: Dude, you smell like alcohol!
Hungover guy #2: Bro, I feel like alcohol.
Elmore, Alabama
Girl on PA: Attention, Wal-Mart shoppers. We need Dan Smith* to return to automotive for a confrontation on your vehicle.
Wal-Mart
Kentucky
40-something woman: Bump-its for everyone!
40-something woman's friend: Yes! Bump-its!
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: No thanks…
