Child: Mom! Mom! Where did you go?
Mom, an aisle over: I’m right over here, honey!
Child: Where are you, Mom?
Mom: I’m just an aisle over, honey!
Child: But I don’t see your blowhole!
Toys ‘R’ Us
Virginia
Overheard by: bza
Child: Mom! Mom! Where did you go?
Mom, an aisle over: I’m right over here, honey!
Child: Where are you, Mom?
Mom: I’m just an aisle over, honey!
Child: But I don’t see your blowhole!
Toys ‘R’ Us
Virginia
Overheard by: bza
Girl on phone: Hamster ovaries? Really? I did not know that.
College
Portland, Oregon
Girl: What about her? She’s cute.
Guy: Yeah… but her boobs are small.
Girl: What’s wrong with small boobs anyway?
Guy: They’re… not… big.
Restaurant, Oregon
Gay #1: One guy likes to have his junk stepped on, but no punches in them.
Gay #2: Ow!
Gay #1: I don't like balls in my toes, though.
Gay #2: Just think of it as sand on a beach!
Starbucks
Somerville, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Scott
Guy to friend in a bar, after woman suddenly departed: What happened? Where'd she go?
Friend: I'm pretty sure she left. She kept on telling me she has no self-esteem at all and that she has a huge nose. So I just told her, “look, you really don't have a huge nose–you just have a Wicked Witch of the West nose.”
Guy: Fuck. Why do I even bother trying to fix you up with my friends?
Franco's Bar
Highland, Indiana
Stoner lesbian: I bet if you like, took the time to scrape all the resin off my brain…and my lungs too. Yeah, all the resin from my brain and lungs and smoke it… You could get really really high.
Cumberland, Maine
Overheard by: Jade
Tanorexic blonde on date: So basically the fucking doctor told me that my cervix is fucked up.
Uncomfortable-looking date: Right…
Tanorexic blonde on date: Yeah. Cunt told me that it'd be like pushing a baby through a toothpaste tube. I gotta go get it widened or some shit like that. Or that thing where they cut you open…
Uncomfortable-looking date: A caesarian?
Tanorexic blonde on date: Yeah. That's it. Baby kebab.
Leamington Spa
England
Girl, about guy in Jason Vorhees mask coming on stage during Halloween skit: I always recognize James* by his thighs.
St. Peter's College
New Jersey
Serious hipster chick #1: So she shot him in the leg, because that was her training.
Serious hipster chick #2 (nodding understandingly): Uh-huh.
Serious hipster chick #1: And then they ended up lying feet to feet.
Art Opening
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Terry B
Boyfriend to boyfriend: Yesterday Hughes came over and, well, exploded my brain, basically. I was like “ahh!”
Toronto
Canadia
Overheard by: laughing on the inside
