Student: Maybe he’s gay for the snake.
Teacher: Did you just say “gay for the snake”?!
Pleasantville High School
Pleasantville, New York
Student: Maybe he’s gay for the snake.
Teacher: Did you just say “gay for the snake”?!
Pleasantville High School
Pleasantville, New York
Teacher: Oh wow, I just noticed that I’m not wearing my wedding ring. I feel half naked… You guys are lucky that I’m not.
Ontario
Canadia
Little old lady to husband: I don’t care how many times you’ve washed it or how clean it is! I’ve lived 60 years without my tongue making acquaintance with your asshole, and I’m not about to introduce the two of them now!
St. Louis Street
Lebanon, Illinois
Overheard by: AlternknitiveKnitter
Bartender: Geez, Hank, you’re looking great these days. Been working out?
Chubby Jewish guy: Yeah. I tell ya, I’ve been trying to lose the spare tire, but I lost it all in my earlobes instead. It’s a cruel world.
Suami’s India Garden Resturant
Cincinnati, Ohio
Overheard by: Jeebus McGee
Professor: So, the point of this lecture is never, ever buy a squirrel monkey. They will plot your demise and gouge your eyes out in your sleep.
DePaul University
Chicago, Illinois
Little boy looking at zebra with erection: Mommy, five legs?
Mom: Yes, honey, five legs.
San Diego Zoo
San Diego, California
Overheard by: Kim and Amy
Drunk girl: I’m lubed up from my fingertips to my elbow!
99 Restaurant bar
Salem, Massachusetts
Overheard by: sam-a-lamb
Guy to girls: First I kicked her, then I put a dick in her ear.
Target
Menomonee Falls, Wisconsin
Overheard by: NU Rules
Hot guy to hot girlfriend: I really liked it when you humped my face today… I think my nose even disappeared for a few seconds.
Whataburger
Plano, Texas
Overheard by: C.D.
Huge guy waving Bud Light bottle at old Native American lady: There’s a reason I like ladies without any teeth.
Minneapolis, Minnesota
