Girl: He's like a pedophile, but for some reason that just makes me like him more.
Santa Cruz, California
Girl: He's like a pedophile, but for some reason that just makes me like him more.
Santa Cruz, California
Biotech: Wow. That girl wears clothes like she’s not fat, and that’s funny.
California
Overheard by: dev
Fat black woman on cell: Black women are better than white women, because you can beat the shit out of them and the bruises won’t be visible!
BART train
Berkeley, California
Overheard by: Gilatron
NASA intern guy #1: I think your fish are gay… Like, 99 percent sure. Look, they’ve got vertical bars.
NASA intern guy #2: They so want each other.
NASA intern guy #1: They do. And it’s not unrequited. Look, they both have vertical bars!
NASA Ames Research Center
Silicon Valley, California
Guy on cell: Yeah, I hooked up with her. [pause] I fucked her. She was tight. [pause] She hasn’t called me back. I don’t get why it’s so hard to take five seconds out of your day to see how I’m doing. [pause] She’s, like, Asian. Half Asian and half alien.
Barnes & Noble
Los Angeles, California
Overheard by: Hobo
Toddler in stroller: I need to pee!
Mom: We just peed on the tree.
Davis, California
Guy on cell: Don't expect it to be as great as the last time we were in Malibu, though. Unless you bring your funny hat.
The Coffee Bean
Los Angeles, California
Well-dressed man to female companion, in crowded tasting room: Did you remember the dildo?
Elegant lady companion: Yes, I brought both of them.
Napa Valley wine Auction
St. Helena, California
20-something guy to another: He found Jesus. In the two months I hadn't seen him, the motherfucker found Jesus.
Swinger's
Los Angeles, California
Overheard by: Kristin
Man to son: Stop talking about vampire bats and focus on your poop.
San Diego, California
