20-something guy to another: He found Jesus. In the two months I hadn't seen him, the motherfucker found Jesus.
Swinger's
Los Angeles, California
Overheard by: Kristin
20-something guy to another: He found Jesus. In the two months I hadn't seen him, the motherfucker found Jesus.
Swinger's
Los Angeles, California
Overheard by: Kristin
Man to son: Stop talking about vampire bats and focus on your poop.
San Diego, California
Dad, leading three-year-old girl to bathroom: You need to go potty? You can sit on the potty in here.
Three-year-old girl: No, that potty's not for me. That's for mommy. She has a big butt.
Alameda, California
Overheard by: lith
Teen to her friends: We watched Tommy Boy in history class today.
Gas station
Santa Monica, California
Daughter: Mommy, mommy, that dress makes you look sixteen years younger!
[Later]Daughter: Mommy, if you were stranded in the desert without any water, what would you do?
Mother: [No response].
Daughter: [to little sister] I would eat my own blood.
Old Navy
Promenade Mall, California
Overheard by: Claustrophobic
Single mom: And what happens to Cinderella at midnight?
Eight-year-old son: She gets destroyed!
Disneyland
Anaheim, California
Mom to little girl: No, we are not getting Eliza* a present. She hasn't given you a present ever since the elephant incident.
Disneyland
Anaheim, California
Four-year-old boy: Mom, can we get a puppy?
Mom: You don't need a puppy, you have a little brother.
Four-year-old boy: Yay!
Carlsbad, California
Overheard by: californiabeaner
Very obnoxious drunk man to long-suffering waitress: Hey, what’s your name, anyway?
Waitress (coldly): Melissa.
Drunk man (softly): Awww, my daughter’s name is Melissa.
Waitress: Well, I’m sorry to be the one to tell you this, but we usually turn out slutty.
Bar
Los Angeles, California
Girl to friend: I distinctly remember him saying “I still have the dildo up my ass.”
UCLA
Los Angeles, California
