Canadia

I Guess We Could Try Smoking Them

Teen guy: Yeah, we got like, so wasted!
Teen girl #1: It was great, yeah. We got so high.
Teen girl #2: Where did you guys get the alcohol?
Teen girl #1: What?
Teen girl #2: If you guys were getting high, where did you get the alcohol?
Teen girl #1: That's drunk. You get high off weed.
Teen girl #2: Oh. Okay. Then, where'd you get that?
Teen guy: My sister. She's sixteen!
Teen girl #2: Can't you get high off books?
Teen guy: What?
Teen girl #2: Cause, can't, like…books get you high?
Teen girl #1: What?

Library
East Vancouver, BC
Canadia

Which Qualifies As a Learning Disability These Days

Irritated mother: Well, maybe he got such bad grades because he was drunk while he was doing his homework!

Guelph, Ontario
Canadia

I'm a Man Of Higher Education and Lower Taste

Film studies professor, after screening Eadweard Muybridge, in which animals and naked humans walk together: So what did you all think?
Student #1: I liked the tiger!
Student #2: I thought the way the elephant was filmed was fantastic.
Film studies professor: Yeah…I just like all the naked ladies.

Concordia University
Montreal
Canadia

Overheard by: In a class of 100 and disgusted

Oh, Good, because That’s What I’m Getting Him

Old lady: You know how it’s Jake’s* birthday in a week or two? And you know how he likes black leather?
20-ish granddaughter, whispering: Grandma! You’re making him sound like a homosexual!
Old lady: Well, it’s not like I’m going to get him assless chaps.

Eagle Ridge Hospital
Coquitlam, Bristish Columbia
Canadia

Girls, Learn Some New Insults. Granny, Get with the Program

Teen daughter: You’re a dickwad.
Mom: No, you’re a dickwad.
Teen daughter: No, you’re a dickwad.
Mom: No, you’re a dickwad.
Granny, with English accent: What’s a dickwad?
Teen daughter: It’s a pile of jism, Granny.
Dad: Okay, family meeting right now!

On the subway
Toronto, Ontario
Canadia

Overheard by: jezebel

In Halifax, You Keep Warm Any Way You Can

Cashier: Do you want a bag for those?
Man buying condoms: No, I want to wear them home.

Halifax, Nova Scotia
Canadia

Overheard by: C

DeadSpace!

Friend #1: God! Old people get so pissy when they don't get their obituaries on time.
Friend #2: Why?
Friend #1: Because they want to know which of their friends has died that week.
Friend #2: Oh, so it's like Facebook for the elderly!

Memorial Hospital
Sudbury
Ontario, Canadia

Overheard by: Dani

And As Ghetto As Anyone Gets in Toronto

Man: … With my wife.
Woman: Oh, you’re married?
Man: Yeah, and I have a four-month-old baby girl.
Woman: What’s her name?
Man: Widget.
Woman: Oh, that’s cute.

Subway
Toronto, Ontario
Canadia

Overheard by: Nick B

For the Same Reason I Like Tightly-Wrapped Christmas Presents

(a couple at the checkout counter buying nylons)
Girl: I’m really excited for these tights.
Guy (excessively excited): Me too!

Halifax
Nova Scotia
Canadia

Ah, the Ever-Effective Nuremberg Defense!

Guido to skinny guy on métro: So you weren't really grabbing her boobs. That's just following instructions. (pause) You were just being a team player, man.

Vendôme Métro
Montréal
Canadia

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