More Important Than You Knew

Brazilian guy to American: Pleeeeeaaase? Say it. Say it. Say “fucker de matriz” in English.
Brazilian girlfriend: He wants you to say (whispers) “motherfucker”.
American guy: Okay. (blandly) Motherfucker.
Brazilian guy: No! Like an American, please!
American guy: Huh? Oh, “muthafucka!”
Brazilian guy, laughing giddily and clapping: Yes! Yes! Muthafucka, excellent!

ViaRail Train
Canadia

Overheard by: Jim

Posted on July 30, 2009
Canadia, Couples, Foreigners, Insults, Offers and requests, Train, Wishes, Words

In Hindsight, the Bible Could Have Been a Lot Worse

Young teenage girl with pink furry boots, rainbow hair, and seven facial piercings: Hey, if you were god, what would you do?
Young teenage boy with shaggy hair, acne, and a little boy face: I'd kill my foster parents.
Young teenage girl, totally ignoring her friend's response: I would totally make the world flat, so we could travel just by folding it in half. Imagine how much time and money I would save everyone!

Packed Train during Rush Hour
Calgary, Alberta
Canadia

Posted on July 24, 2009
Canadia, Family ties, God, Money, Murder, Questions, Stupidity, Teens, Time Management, Train, Wishes

From Stephen King's The Passion Of Christine

Little girl: Where is Jesus?
Bored babysitter: Umm, I don't know… In your heart?
Little girl: Well, then guess what?
Bored babysitter: What?
Little girl: I'm going to punch him! (starts punching herself in the heart)

Toronto
Canadia

Posted on July 18, 2009
Babysitters, Body parts, Canadia, Feelings, Jesus, Kids, Questions, Violence

Nobody Who's Been to England Ever Has to Ask

Pretty tween girl, looking around on busy street: What's with all these ugly people taking up all the space?

Toronto
Canadia

Posted on July 13, 2009
Beauty, Canadia, Compare and contrast, Questions, Tweens

I'm Beginning to Suspect They're Not Twist-Off

Girl #1: Yeah, bananas cost less than apples.
Girl #2: No way, I'd totally choose apples over bananas.
Girl #1: Really? I'd choose bananas, they fill me up more.
Girl #2, thoughtfully: I can't open bananas.

Canadia

Posted on July 11, 2009
Canadia, Compare and contrast, Fruit, Girls, Money, Stupidity

…But, Um, the Essay Topic Was “My Favorite Pet”

College student #1: So I was thinking I was going to write about Hitler, and how he was like…bad?
College student #2: Totally.

Edmonton
Canadia

Overheard by: dumbfounded

Posted on June 30, 2009
Canadia, Education, History, Students, Stupidity

And the Local Deer Keep Trying to French-Kiss Me

100-pound, totally fit wife: I am pretty sure I have elevated sodium levels.
Husband: Your sodium levels are fine, honey.
100-pound, totally fit wife: No, I really think they are high enough to put me in the at-risk category.
Husband: What are you basing that on, exactly?
100-pound, totally fit wife: My tongue feels oversalted.

Toronto
Canadia

Overheard by: kingdubby

Posted on June 24, 2009
Canadia, Couples, Health & Hygiene, Questions, Sensory experiences, Stupidity

Since I Dispensed with My Beehive Hairdo

Female salesperson: I keep all my secrets in my Furby!

Toy Store
Toronto
Canadia

Overheard by: i keep mine in tupperware

Posted on June 23, 2009
Canadia, Coworkers, Stores, Toys, Weirdness

Yet You Know When Jennifer Aniston Changes Her Hair Color?

Mexican drag queen hosting a show: It's St. Patrick's day tomorrow…
Crowd: It's today!
Mexican drag queen: Is it tonight? I never know these things, I don't watch the news!

Gay Bar
Toronto
Canadia

Posted on June 22, 2009
Bars & Clubs, Canadia, Latinos, Queers, Strangers, Stupidity, Time Management, TV shows

Only If He Promises Not to Perform Auto-fellatio Again

Bus-riding teen #1: Fully grown adult males are, like, five inches! I'm telling you!
Bus-riding teen #2: No way! Tom is, like, ten inches when it's hard and, like, eight when it's soft!
Bus-riding teen #1: Do you want me to get my dad and check?

Toronto
Canadia

Posted on June 20, 2009
Age and ageing, Canadia, Compare and contrast, Family ties, Penis, Teens, Weirdness