Colleges & Universities

Quirky college student: You know it's love when you ask “please, can I suck your dick?”
Friend: Word.

Willamette University
Salem, Oregon

Girl to friend: I was like “whatever, bitch! You're not even a real registered nurse. Like you'll be working full time in a doctor's office making $20 an hour, and I'll be a real nurse making $20,000 a year.”

Texas State University

Law student: The professor was late the first day because he couldn't find his keys until he realized they were in the ignition of his car, and then he came in and sat cross-legged on the desk and talked about Woodstock. So it could be worse, I suppose.

University of Alabama
Tuscaloosa, Alabama

Overheard by: Jennifer

Guy, suddenly getting up from table: Gotta go!
Girl #1: Where's he going?
Girl #2: Maybe he's Superman.

Wilfrid Laurier University
Waterloo, Ontario
Canadia

Overheard by: mookie

Anthropology professor: So they tried so hard to be hetero that they just came out being really homo…
Class: (laughs)
Anthropology professor: …geneous.

Bucknell University
Lewisburg, Pennsylvania

Overheard by: Peter

Pretentious student to professor: There were a lot of people there. Interesting people. But most of them weren't as interesting as me.

University of Maine
Orono, Maine

Girl #1: Girl, I am pregnant.
Girl #2: Do you know who the daddy is?
Girl #1: No!
Girl #2: Girl, my doctor told me that when I sleep with a man, to write it on the calendar, so if I get pregnant they can try to find the daddy!

Elevator, Columbus State Community College
Columbus, Ohio

Professor: When I tell people I'm an English professor they always ask what my favorite word is. You know what I tell them? “Fuck” is my favorite word. Also, “lackadaisical.” How about “lackadaisical fuck”? (laughs)

Gordon College
Barnesville, Georgia

Professor: Here's a good thing to compare to the turgor pressure in a plant cell: have any of you seen an erection?

University of Illinois at Chicago

Overheard by: suddenly paying attention

Girl #1: I'll check back. I'll continue to burp regularly and tell you about it.
Girl #2: Please do.

Brock University
St. Catharines, Ontario
Canadia