Compare and contrast

Weird lady getting her hair cut: The nail just wouldn't stay down on my toe. So because it was all loose, junk kept getting in there. The doctor basically told me that junk would just keep getting in there.
Stylist: Wow!
(a minute later)
Weird lady getting her hair cut: If I could have one of those guys do my wedding, I'd be all like, “here's a doily and a paper cup, see what you can do.”
Stylist: Yeah.
Weird lady getting her hair cut: I mean if you can't have a bangin wedding in Puerto Rico, you might as well see what you can get from a doily and a paper cup here.
Stylist: Yeah.

Supercuts
Pennsylvania

Girl: But I’m graduating soon, so I don’t need spoons anymore!

Montclair State University
New Jersey

History professor: In New York the exit signs are red. They're like, “Fire! Get out!” In California the exit signs are green. They're like, “Dude, if you wanna get out, cool. If you like fire, if that's your thing, that's okay, too.”

Aurora, Illinois

Morbidly obese man: It’s like when you go dumpster-diving and find a whole bedroom set.

Wal-Mart
Gainesville, Florida

Overheard by: Andrea

Professor: The Government was spending money like a drunken sailor in a Tijuana whorehouse.

Macroeconomics Class
University of California

Overheard by: Econometrically Bored

Woman talking on phone to friend: I have a real thing for little boys. I never used to…

Train Leaving Brighton
England

Overheard by: Wishing she hadn’t tuned in at that point

Wolf Titties Are Hot This Year

Guy: It's not like he has one extra nipple… He has two.
Girl: He's like a rat!

Starbucks
Hollywood, California

Girl #1: You're a fat whore. Well…minus the fat part.
Girl #2: Whatever. I'd rather be a whore than fat.
Girl #3: I like your morals!

http://www.overheardatmcgill.com/archives/2007/07/14/if-by-morals-you-mean-breasts-then-thanks/

Overheard by: Ian

20-something woman preparing turkey to guy: I'm not sure what's worse, pulling all this out of the turkey's ass, or you taking it in the ass last night.

Orlando, Florida

Overheard by: At least some one had a happy thanksgiving

Crazy blonde lady on park bench: Because they're all about gluttony. Plus, it's harder for them to get in if you're thin, because they're usually fat, you know? (two heavy ladies next to her nod)

Judiciary Square
Washington, DC