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Nobody Can Do Sexual Harassment Like the Insane

Crazy bag lady, loudly: I don't suck dick for pussy! I don't suck dick for pussy! I don't suck dick for pussy!
(sits down next to another passenger on the subway)
Crazy bag lady, now in passenger's face: I don't suck dick for pussy!
(female passenger gets up and moves)
Crazy bag lady: Why you jumping? Why you jumping, bitch!? You weren't jumpin' last night when that guy put his long ass dick in you last night!
Female passenger: Excuse me, ma'am, don't say that to me! You don't know me!
(subway train stops)
Conductor: City Hall station!
Female passenger: Excuse me, sir, there's a crazy lady on the subway harassing the other passengers.
Conductor: Oh, could you point her out to me?
(female passenger points to crazy woman yelling)
Conductor: Ma'am, are you bothering people?
Crazy bag lady: Why you tryin' to fuck me standing up!? Why don't you fuck me lying down like a gentleman!
Conductor: Ma'am, I'm calling the police.

Broad Street Line Subway
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

The Gospel Rap Song That's Sweeping the Charts

(group bows heads and man begins to pray)
Girl (just realizing prayer has started): Oh! Holy shit! We're praying?!

Shawnee Mission Park
Shawnee, Kansas

Not Any Louder Than Sex in a Prom Dress, Though

Chipper girl: I tell the sex workers that they can wear the female condom before going out. You can wear it for, like, three hours. They are kind of loud, though — they crinkle! Sex is awkward, anyway.

Women’s health class, American University
Washington, DC

Overheard by: aimc

Every Country Has Its Own Rules for Greeting Royalty

Guy on cell at register: I know! I know! So listen — when you first meet him, go up to him, bow, whip your own chopsticks, and tell him you would like to procreate with him.

Dick’s Sporting Goods
Fairfax, Virginia

Overheard by: Cashier who needed the laugh

…And Then You'll Be a Made Man.

Very attractive man dressed in suit: It's like, Gino, put on the right skirt and shoes and talk to the concierge for awhile…

Boston, Massachusetts

Overheard by: Kassie

A High Holy Day for Us Retailians

Girl #1: Well, today wasn't a total loss, I did find my outfit for tomorrow.
Girl #2: True. By the way, what's tomorrow?
Girl #1: Uh, Thursday. You mean like the date?
Girl #2: No, I mean: what's the occasion for the outfit?
Girl #1: Oh, right! Thursday.

Dulles Town Center
Loudoun County, Virginia

But It's Just a Cornish Game Hen

Professor: It must seem like I'm beating you over the head with a frozen chicken breast.

Hartford, Connecticut

Overheard by: Claire

I'm Relatively Free of Parasites

Young buck #1: Do you want to go out to the track and race?
Young buck #2: I'm not fond of dust baths.

Monroe Community College
Rochester, New York

Kinda Like Denim and Leggings

Man #1: I know this is stupid, but are buffalo extinct?
Man #2: No, they used to be.

Austin, Texas

If You Have Further Interest, You Can Sign Up for My Pubic History Class This Spring

Professor, discussing an 18th century painting: Now, it is important to remember that at this time women did not wear panties. This is a beaver shot par excellence!

San José State University
California

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