Drunks

Drunk guy #1: So what you're saying is, we rip the spine out of a dog?
Drunk guy #2: Yeah, but then you put a robotic spine in. You could get a remote-controlled dog.
Drunk guy #1: Shit, we could control its bark function.
Drunk girl: And make it ski.

Leamington Spa
England

Drunk girl stumbling outside bar, dropping purse and chasing after boyfriend: You are the ruiner of fun.

Provincetown, Massachusetts

Straight guy: Why do gay men love boobs but hate vaginas?
Gay guy: Because boobs are pretty and vaginas look like a roast beef sandwich.
Drunk guy: I could so go for Arby's right now.

Huaraz
Peru

Overheard by: Nick

Drunk dude to girl: You will get absolutely no penis in your life! None!

Transit Train
New Jersey

Overheard by: Russ

Drunk mother to son: Look at the two girls at the bar behind you. The one in the blue shirt has huge boobs!
Son to drunk mother: They look familiar.

Foster City, California

Drunk sorostitute to group of friends: I'm getting boned in the butt! Who's boning me in the butt?

http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/overheardinminneapolis/~3/378479688/know-your-alcohol-limit.html

Overheard by: pob

Security guy: You fell down the stairs.
Girl, trying to convince him that she's sober: Okay, have a gander at these heels.
Security guy: You were also making out with a man on the couch.
Girl: I'm promiscuous!? All your evidence is circumstantial! See, I'm using words like “promiscuous” and “circumstantial.” Have you ever met a drunk person who uses such vocabulary?
Security guy: You exhibit all the signs of intoxication, you are underage, we must ask you to leave.
Girl: For the last time, I'm not drunk! This is just my personality!

Beta Nightclub
Denver, Colorado

Tipsy guy to friend: Of course I have a nickname for my penis. I call it “the octagon.”

Vancouver
Canadia

Overheard by: Sick Fatty

Drunk man to another: I don't know if I should get a sandwich or a fucking whore…

Chicago, Illinois

Middle aged drunk white lady, seriously: Dude, where's my car?

http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/overheardinminneapolis/~3/363293196/its-just-so-sad.html

Overheard by: unicorn lover