Hobo: Do you know what the world needs more of?
Coffee employee: Love?
Hobo: Nope, toothpicks… but love was a good guess.
Sacramento, California
Hobo: Do you know what the world needs more of?
Coffee employee: Love?
Hobo: Nope, toothpicks… but love was a good guess.
Sacramento, California
Stressed flight attendant, after four-hour delay: Folks, we've just been cleared for immediate departure. (passengers cheer) All passengers must be seated, with your seat belts fastened for takeoff. To do so, insert the metal–well, if you can't figure it out for yourself, you're in trouble. If at any point an oxygen mask appears in front of you, you'll want to put that on. In the event of a water landing occurring between St. Louis and Denver, there will be a flotation device under your seat and about three feet of snow in hell. Emergency exits–front, over-wing and rear–wherever it says so. Don't even think about smoking. See the safety information card for the rest. Here we go.
Runway
St. Louis Airport, Missouri
Professor: So, basically god has to suppress the gag reflex when he looks at you; but it's okay because he loves you anyway.
University of Akron
Akron, Ohio
Overheard by: Rebecca
Hipster chick: I am who I am and that’s what I like about me, but it keeps getting me into these shitty situations.
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Greek girlfriend: She misses you baby.
English boyfriend: Hm?
Greek girlfriend: She misses you.
English boyfriend: Who misses me?
Greek girlfriend: Helena.
English boyfriend: Who's Helena?
Greek girlfriend: My vagina, baby.
Indian guy at table: You named your snatch Helena?! Really? You named your vagina?
Greek girlfriend: Sure, don't you have a name for your dick?
Indian guy and English boyfriend, at same time: No.
Greek girlfriend: I've always thought of your dick as being called Errol, baby.
Leamington Spa
England
Overheard by: Bleep
Disgruntled freshman girl #1: Ugh, I hate that guy. He is like, you know, so… Ugh!
Disgruntled freshman girl #2: I know, right?
Rude sophomore guy, interrupting: Oh, me and him? We're like porn buddies!
(awkward silence from girls)
Rude sophomore guy: What? That was like, before.
Cainta
Rizal
Philippines
Overheard by: happened to be eating lunch
Male bar patron #1: Matt's just too much, man.
Male bar patron #2: I can't take that much manhood.
(awkward pause)
Male bar patron #3: I'm sore.
The Sevens
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Bar Patron
Grad student #1: Have you heard Avril Lavigne's song? The deep one?
Grad student #2: “Sk8r Boi”?
NWU Campus
New York City, New York
Girl: The first Pokemon movie was really sad.
Guy #1: Oh, yeah! It made me cry.
Girl: I couldn’t believe when Pikachu almost died…
Guy #2: Have you guys seen Pokemon porn?
Girl: Okay, let’s just stop right there.
Guy #2: No, it’s crazy. You know Misty? She’ll do like anything!
Hartford, Connecticut
Overheard by: Claire