Feelings

Guy: Didn’t you have a friend who lost her virginity to her shoe?
Green haired girl: Yeah. She fell on her foot and ruptured it or something. Like riding a horse.
Pink haired girl: What the fuck?
Guy: Told you!
Green haired girl: I felt bad when she told us because I was the only one busting up laughing.

California

Guy with girl #1, yelling: Oh, hey! How's it going? I love your haircut!
Guy with girl #2, walking in opposite direction: Thank you.
Guy #1: Thank you!
Guy #2: You're welcome.
Guy #1: I love you!
Guy #2: I love you, too.

Olympia, Washington

Little girl to mother: Revenge is made from marbles.

Aberdeen
Scotland

Overheard by: Fiona

Girl: I hate violinists!
Boy: What?
Girl: Violinists.
Boy: Oh. I thought you said “gang-bangers.”

BART Airport Train
San Francisco, California

Hobo: Do you know what the world needs more of?
Coffee employee: Love?
Hobo: Nope, toothpicks… but love was a good guess.

Sacramento, California

Stressed flight attendant, after four-hour delay: Folks, we've just been cleared for immediate departure. (passengers cheer) All passengers must be seated, with your seat belts fastened for takeoff. To do so, insert the metal–well, if you can't figure it out for yourself, you're in trouble. If at any point an oxygen mask appears in front of you, you'll want to put that on. In the event of a water landing occurring between St. Louis and Denver, there will be a flotation device under your seat and about three feet of snow in hell. Emergency exits–front, over-wing and rear–wherever it says so. Don't even think about smoking. See the safety information card for the rest. Here we go.

Runway
St. Louis Airport, Missouri

Professor: So, basically god has to suppress the gag reflex when he looks at you; but it's okay because he loves you anyway.

University of Akron
Akron, Ohio

Overheard by: Rebecca

Hipster chick: I am who I am and that’s what I like about me, but it keeps getting me into these shitty situations.

Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

Greek girlfriend: She misses you baby.
English boyfriend: Hm?
Greek girlfriend: She misses you.
English boyfriend: Who misses me?
Greek girlfriend: Helena.
English boyfriend: Who's Helena?
Greek girlfriend: My vagina, baby.
Indian guy at table: You named your snatch Helena?! Really? You named your vagina?
Greek girlfriend: Sure, don't you have a name for your dick?
Indian guy and English boyfriend, at same time: No.
Greek girlfriend: I've always thought of your dick as being called Errol, baby.

Leamington Spa
England

Overheard by: Bleep

Disgruntled freshman girl #1: Ugh, I hate that guy. He is like, you know, so… Ugh!
Disgruntled freshman girl #2: I know, right?
Rude sophomore guy, interrupting: Oh, me and him? We're like porn buddies!
(awkward silence from girls)
Rude sophomore guy: What? That was like, before.

Cainta
Rizal
Philippines

Overheard by: happened to be eating lunch