Girl #1: So I saw you had some summer's eve in your bathroom earlier… Do you have a douche?
Girl #2: I saw that when I was in there too! It's not a douche. I looked at the box. It's just wipes.
Girl #1: Why would you need wipes?
Girl #3: You know when you eat a hamburger and have ketchup on your face, so you use a napkin to wipe it off? Well it's just like that, but it's for your vagina!
Appleton, Wisconsin
Vegetarian girl: I think you guys should stop eating meat.
Friend: I don’t eat meat that much, but every now and then I gotta have a steak.
Vegetarian girl: Ewww, gross!
Friend: I mean, they’re not a necessity or anything, but if I had to choose between eating a steak and saving a puppy, I’d eat the steak.
San Antonio, Texas
Overheard by: poor dog
Girl #1: So pasta, like, traumatized you?
Girl #2: Yeah, I hate pasta! Pasta ruined my life!
Frary Dining Hall, Pomona College
Claremont, California
Girl to friend: I just don't understand why people don't want to be covered in spaghetti!
University of Virginia
Overheard by: MW
Guy to friend, matter-of-factly: You know he’s just teaching there for the kielbasa.
Macalester College
St. Paul, Minnesota
Emo kid carrying a toaster with two slices of bread: Everyone's looking at our toaster.
Glenfield Mall
Auckland
New Zealand
Overheard by: Kelly
Woman: My salad just made a guinea pig noise.
Salt Lake City, Utah
Dude: You fail to see that the rhinoceros is not pleased that you've clogged the bathtub drain with jam and celery. She's quite angry with you. I mean, if you just shit out a canary, it's not going to want to play tonsil hockey.
Friend: How hard would it be to get you involuntarily committed to a mental institution?
Marist College
Poughkeepsie, New York
Overheard by: Russ
Girl, to friends: So then she e-mailed us all, and she was like, “We just ate an African baby!”
Memorial University
St. John's
Newfoundland, Canadia
Overheard by: Mel
Girl #1: I could never be a vegetarian.
Girl #2: Ugh, me neither, I love meat way too much.
Girl #1: I know. Especially when it's been caged and slapped around.
Girl #2: Totally.
Starbucks
