Girls

She Was Just Fucking with Him–She's Actually a Figure Skater

Girl, giving tour: Here is my favorite, one of our the weight training rooms.
Guy on tour with Australian accent: Do you train here as well?
Girl: Yes, this is my event.
Guy: What? Weightlifting?
Girl: Yeah. I'm training for the snatch.
Guy: What?
Girl: It goes like this. (demonstrates weight lifting move)
Guy (not suppressing grin): And how much is your snatch?
Girl: I start with 83 pounds.
Guy (snickering): Reeeally…
Girl: Yep. Also the clean and jerk.
Guy: (leaves tour group, unable to suppress laughter)

US Olympic Training Center
Colorado Springs, Colorado

Overheard by: TK

…Faking Its Own Death for the Publicity

Mother: Why did you kill that butterfly?
22-year-old daughter: It wasn't on purpose!
Mother: And what did you do with it?
22-year-old daughter: I put it outside, on the plant…
Mother: Why?
22-year-old daughter: I thought it was just pretending…

São Paulo
Brazil

Overheard by: Teca Arantes

While Jabbering Breathless Nonsense Into My Bluetooth Headset

Young woman with cute hair to friends: I like to run through the field and play with my hair!

Lakeside Park
Chicago, Illinois

Yeah, Stop Emailing Me Those Photos.

Drunk girl: Guess whose shirt I'm wearing!
Sober friend: Whose?
Drunk girl, without missing a beat: What?
(15 minutes later)
Drunk girl: I'm not even wearing a shirt!

Dorm Room
Wisconsin

If She Were a True Psychic, She Wouldn't Have Answered the Phone

(group of teen girls on field trip)
Bored niece: Hey! Let's call my aunt in California. She's a psychic. (dials phone) Hi, we are bored and thought we'd call and ask you psychic questions.
Bored niece's friend: Ask her what my stage name would be if I became a stripper.

Lake Atlanta Park
Rogers, Arkansas

Overheard by: Yes, I have shoes and all of my teeth.

You'll Pick Up My Tab, Right?

Cute girl to suit: What are you drinking?
Suit: Absolut on the rocks.
Cute girl: I prefer Belvedere.
Suit: Are you trying to get a free drink?
Cute girl to bartender: May I please have a Chopin Martini, up with olives? (points to suit, then turns back to him) Go fuck yourself. (walks away)

Hotel Bar
Boston, Massachusetts

Overheard by: arrc

Which Is Why I Have This Black Eye

(goth girl walks by two high school girls)
Girl #1: What is that?!
Girl #2: She's a goth.
Girl #1: Whats a goth?
Girl #2: You know, people who wear black and lots of makeup and listen to sad music.
Girl #1: Ohhhh, that's what they're called. I just call them people who need Jesus.

Albany, New York

Knitted Her Own Wings

Female flight attendant on cell: She was the ugliest woman I had ever seen in my life! But I swear she was my guardian angel. (sighs)

Seatac airport
Seattle, Washington

Aced It!

Girl, after US history exam: How did you do on the essays?
Serious boy: Well, I drew hand turkeys on three pages of the answer booklet, and on the fourth I drew a picture of Samuel Glompers riding a tortoise while holding a marble cake.

High School Gymnasium
West Palm Beach, Florida

You Shouldn't Marry Anybody Who's the Boss Of You, Honey

Little girl to dad: Daddy?
Dad: Yes?
Little girl: Why can't brothers and sisters get married?

Toronto
Canadia

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