Guys

Oh Honey, I Would Put Your Marlboro Out With My Tongue

Obviously-not-18-year-old girl, handing man money: Go get me a pack of Camels number nine, please.
20-something man: Are you serious? They're going to think I'm fruity. (walks into store, immediately walks back out) I can't buy them. That girl is working.
Obviously-not-18-year-old girl: I'm sorry, would you like me to buy Marlboro Reds? That's a manlier cigarette.
20-something man: That'd be great. (goes back in and returns with Marlboro Reds): Sorry about that. Uh, if I don't get my type of cigarettes then I think they'd get suspicious.
Obviously-not-18-year-old girl: You don't even smoke.

Akron, Ohio

I’m Not Sure That Belongs on Our Meeting Agenda, Ted

Dude: In grade school I would always pretend that there was someone chasing me when we had to get timed for the sprint. I thought it would make me run faster. It didn’t.

Wausau, Wisconsin

Warm Syrup Seemed Like a Great Idea–at First

Young mother to four-year-old boy: C'mon, sweetie, let's wash your hands.
Sarcastic father: Yeah, dude, you're disgusting.
Boy (increasingly louder): Yes. I am disgusting. You know what else is disgusting? My penis!

IHOP
Hammond, Louisiana

Overheard by: The Only Small Press in Bumfuck

Ride My Big Thunder Mountain, If You Catch My Drift

Drunk girl to hot guy in “if you lick them they will come”: Nice shirt!
Hot guy, turning around: How about you “come” with me tonight, baby?

Downtown Orlando, Florida

That Dachshund Is a Total Exhibitionist

Dude: I’m just going to paint my wiener with glow-in-the-dark paint, turn the lights off, and start dancing.
Guy at next table, making eye contact with only girl in group: Yeah, I heard that, too.

The Village Pub
Seattle, Washington

Overheard by: abbs mcnabbs

Probably Mr. Marcus Doesn't, Either

Girl, pulling up in her SUV: Hey, Marcus.
Guy #1: Hey.
Girl: How ya doin'?
Guy #1: Good, good.
(girl drives away)
Guy #2: Why'd she call you Marcus?
Guy #1: I don't know that bitch.

Newark, Delaware

Ten Bucks Says He's a Collective Hallucination

Hot burner chick: Our bar was busy until the fat naked guy showed up and scared everyone off!
Fat naked guy: I'm wearing Uggs!

Burning Man
Nevada

Overheard by: Eavesdropper

You Wear Pajamas With Feet!

Guy #1: I'm going to study all night!
Guy #2: Yeah, I'll come too.
Guy #1: No, man… You're too weak.

Wayne State University
Detroit, Michigan

One More Lifetime Movie Marathon Should Do It, Though

Dining hall boy #1: I haven't gotten my period yet.
Dining hall boy #2: Me neither!

University at Buffalo
Buffalo, New York

I Long to Feel the Pleasant Tingle of Arthritis

(at 4:30 pm)
College girl #1: Well, we could go get dinner now, but it's really early for that.
College guy: Well, it's not too early if you are old.
College girl #2: Yeah, they always start rolling into the restaurant about this time.
College girl #1: Really? I can't wait to be old!

http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/overheardinminneapolis/~3/363289326/it-happens-earlier-than-you-think.html

Overheard by: I'm not in that big of a rush

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