Guys

Frazzled mother: At Michigan State they don't even have parties. They're not going to want you at a party. You are not going to a party. There is no chance.
Hopeful twelve-year-old boy: Oh, there's a chance.

East Lansing, Michigan

Overheard by: Cameron

Dad to son, passing Valentine's Day t-shirt display: These are kind of nice for your mom, no?
Son: It's for mom, what do I care?

City Center Mall
White Plains, New York

Overheard by: Nathan

Guy to another: Don't shake my hand, dude, it's still got pussy on it!

Men's Bathroom
Bar, Alabama

Overheard by: So glad I don't live here anymore

Girl: But I showered for you this morning!
Boyfriend: So you don't want to go?
Girl: I didn't say that, but you made me get cleaned up this morning, and now I'm just going to get dirty. You better pay my water bill, for all these showers you make me take.

Quiznos
Miami, Florida

Overheard by: Believes in no-strings-attached hygene

Drunk guy outside window: I didn't storm the beaches of Normandy so you could fly around on pieces of wood!

Montague Street
Glasgow
Scotland

Overheard by: sarah (trying to sleep here!)

Disgruntled dad-to-be: I wish I could sue the urologist, but it is what it is. So now I’m having a son. Whatever.

Portland, Oregon

Overheard by: Glad he’s not my Dad

Frustrated gamer playing The Legend of Zelda: Did you see that? She's such a slut! Her vagina was just totally up in link's face. And he's like, twelve. Why are women like that all the time?

University of Massachusetts

Overheard by: the girl in the corner cramming for finals

Christopher Walken Has a Fever Again

Man walking into coffee shop: I need some pantyhose, stat!

Muddy Waters Coffee Shop
Burlington, Vermont

Guy: Man, it’s hotter than my mother-in-law back in ’79. She’s not hot no more.

Harvest Foods
Little Rock, Arkansas

Guy to girl: You know, Mandy Moore made a bad decision going brunette. Now she looks like you, if you were a crack whore.

Oberlin College
Oberlin, Ohio

Overheard by: emily