Guy, after burning left hand: But this is my special hand…
Friend: Why can't you just use your right hand for a while?
Guy: It's like being jerked off by a stranger.
Friend: What?
Guy: Imagine a stranger comes up to you and starts talking to you, and suddenly just starts jerking you off. (pause) Yeah. That's how it feels like.
Bayonne, New Jersey
Girl #1: His penis was huge, like 12 inches! He was holding it and his hand looked so tiny!
Girl #2: No wonder he doesn't get any play, that shit hurts!
Girl #3: Yeah, it would like come out my ass!
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Just 2
Curious friend: Doesn't your mouth get tired?
Small Asian girl: That's what my hands are for!
Curious friend: Don't your arms get tired?!
Small Asian girl: That's what my mouth is for!
Curious friend: What do you do when both get tired?
Small Asian girl: Oh, that's when he puts it in my butt.
Hoboken, New Jersey
Librarian: Hello, Justin. I'd shake hands with you but my hands are very sticky.
Sacred Heart University
Fairfield, Connecticut
Overheard by: Jesse
Guy, telling everyone about a massage: You know how grandma's hands are real soft?
Las Vegas, Nevada
Overheard by: Craig
Guy at the end of the very long line to men's room: Man, it's like the line to Space Mountain. Except when you get to the end you have your dick in your hand.
Festival of Ales
Worcester, Massachusetts
Gay man, pensively: I bet vaginas make excellent hand-warmers.
Disneyland
Anaheim, California
Little boy walking with two little girls: I think we should all hold hands. I think that I should be in the middle so you can both hold my hand.
Keene, New Hampshire
