Customer: I'll have a large hot chocolate, a chocolate glazed donut, and a plain bagel with smoked salmon cream cheese on the side.
Drive-thru grunt: What did you say for the cream cheese on the side?
Customer: Smoked salmon.
Drive-thru grunt: Oh, we don't have that kind.
Customer: What kinds of cream cheese do you have?
Drive-thru grunt: We have chive. Chive is like smoked salmon.
Customer: Uh…yeah.
Bangor, Maine
Overheard by: just wanted a coffee
Student in English class: Does anyone know the difference between romantic poems with a capital R and lowercase r?
Reston, Virginia
Male customer: Since you're new, I will order slowly. (proceeds to do so)
Cute female barista, after writing down: Okay, that wasn't so hard!
Male customer: Oh, I'll give you something hard… Oh, wait, did that come out wrong?
Roswell, Georgia
Woman browsing through dildos at a sex shop: Do you have any of these that plug in? I run through batteries too fast.
Toledo, Ohio
Overheard by: Cap
Scruffy man with garbage bag to stranger: Want to buy some chicken breast?
Blue Line Train
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Stewardess: Wave hi to my ex-husband and his new wife as they pass by.
Southwest Airlines Flight
Houston to New Orleans
Overheard by: Passenger A 44
Girlfriend, excited: I know exactly what I'm going to get you for your birthday this year.
Boyfriend: Oh yeah? I know exactly what I am going to get you for your birthday.
Girlfriend: Really? Are you going to get that thing cut off your back?
Cafe
Sydney
Australia
Girl #1: So my computer is dead, and I don't know how to fix it.
Girl #2: What do you think is wrong with it?
Girl #1: It's got a virus. But it was totally worth it.
Girl #2: Oh, yeah? Why?
Girl #1: Well, Mary* and I were curious and wanted to know if midgets' dicks are normal-sized or midget-sized, so we were looking up midget porn.
Girl #2: And the verdict is?
Girl #1: They're normal-sized. This one guy was seriously a tripod. It's incredible.
Male bartender: Yeah, I can see how that would be worth a completely devastating virus on your computer. Can you write down the website you found it on?
Killarney's Pub
Hamilton, New Jersey
Overheard by: Currrly!
Man walking into coffee shop: I need some pantyhose, stat!
Muddy Waters Coffee Shop
Burlington, Vermont
Older teenager: Go get me my Clif Bar!
Little girl, eating ice cream sandwich: I will, but I don't want my ice cream to melt.
Older teenager, very annoyed: Bring it with you. You know an ice cream sandwich is portable!
Starbucks
Manhattan, New York
