Mom: He'll have chocolate ice cream with rainbow sprinkles and gummy bears.
Five-year-old son: But I want the blue ice cream!
Mom: Honey, the blue is cotton candy ice cream. You can't have it…it's pure sugar.
Coldstone Creamery
Carlsbad, California
Overheard by: Amused Employee
Barista #1: Katie, can you make one more tall Americano?
Barista #2: Katie, can you make one black straight boy love me?
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: Rook
Male tour guide: So, this building is wh…
Sorostitute: Oh my god! Mike! (hugs tour guide)
Male tour guide: Hi…how are you?
Sorostitute: I'm great, but I gotta run, call me!
Mom in tour: I thought you said your name was Josh!
Male tour guide: It is…I don't know who that was.
Eastern Michigan University
Professor: Isn't Jim just a perplexing guy? I read his stories and I'm just like, “what's wrong with him?” Jim, you're just stoned all the time, aren't you? Are you stoned right now?
Jim: No!
Professor: But were you stoned earlier today?
Jim: Yes. But only because I was hungover!
Hartford, Connecticut
Overheard by: Claire
Girl in stall: Hi, can you put mom on the phone? (pause) Hey mom, yeah, it's me…next time you're online, go to my Facebook page and check out the pictures of me at the strip club.
Ladies Restroom, Library
Mississippi
Woman, holding up holiday card: This card is perfect! It says exactly what I want! (reads typical greeting card poem)
Man: Wow, it really says that?
Woman: Well, I made part of it up.
Fred Meyer Store
Oregon
Teen girl, looking confused: Wait, guys. (pause) Do black people see in different colors?
Bus
Seattle, Washington
Professor: Please don't talk amongst yourselves. When you talk amongst yourselves, I imagine you're saying horrible things like “Who would ever want to shag him?”
Previously chatting student: Don't worry! We all want to shag you!
University of Glasgow
Scotland
UK
Very large man, staring down at his junk in front of urinal: Come on now, baby, you can do it, come on…
Houston, Texas
Overheard by: Dan
Ditzy girl: I was so scared! Like, really, really scared. I was like: “please be a virgin, please be a virgin!”
Eugene, Oregon
