Dear Abby– My Friend Has an “Awkward” Husband…

Woman #1: Oh my god, Jason Statham is so hot! I want to funk him so bad!
Woman #2: I know! When you're done, I'm next!
Hubby of woman #1: And when they're done, I want to smell his cock.

Islip, New York

Overheard by: Who is Jason Statham?

Posted on June 2, 2009
Default, Guys, Hubbies, New York, Offers and requests, Penis, Sex, Weirdness, Women

That's What We All Want, Jimbo.

Thug to two others, leaving subway: Yo, let's hurry. I want to get good seats so I can suck her daddy's dick.

Government Center
Boston, Massachsetts

Overheard by: Jchill

Posted on June 1, 2009
BJs, Default, Massachusetts, Offers and requests, Penis, Thugs, Words

All Octopus Hymns Have Eight Verses

Chick: I just don't want to sing about suckers with the step family!

Michigan

Overheard by: Meister E.

Posted on June 1, 2009
Default, Family ties, Girls, Michigan, Offers and requests, Singing

And That Won't Give Her a Yeast Infection?

30-something black man on cell: Yeah. Put ketchup on it, it tastes like spaghetti!

All Star Cafe
Berkeley, California

Posted on May 31, 2009
Advice, Black people, California, Compare and contrast, Default, Food, Guys, Offers and requests, Restaurants

When I Went Into Insulin Shock, the Joke Was on Her!

Loud fat man on bus: When I first found out I had diabetes, I had my wife go out and buy me a big case of pudding cups. I opened each one up and poured them into a tub with some milk.
Friend: Oh?
Loud fat man on bus: My mother-in-law didn't believe I could eat it, but I sat down in front of her and drank the whole thing, just to spite her.

Portland, Oregon

Posted on May 31, 2009
Default, Drinking & drunks, Family ties, Fat people, Food, Guys, Maladies, Offers and requests, Oregon

Counting the Nuts, Of Course

Young ice cream customer: I'm going to get a large sundae.
Competitive young ice cream customer: Oh, yeah? I once had a sundae that was so big it was…it was… (thinks about it) up to the top of Jesus!

Dairy Queen
Victoria
Canadia

Overheard by: bemused in Dairy Queen

Posted on May 30, 2009
Canadia, Compare and contrast, Customers, Default, Food, Jesus, Kids, Offers and requests, Questions

Ad: Have You Sustained a U.D.I.?

Bartender to limping girl entering bar: Are you limping? Oh my god! What happened?
Limping girl: Damn, you weren't here last night, I was hoping you'd tell me!

Washington, DC

Posted on May 30, 2009
Bars & Clubs, Bartenders, Default, Girls, Offers and requests, Questions, Washington, DC, Wishes

To Be Fair, This Is His Answer to Everything

Instructor to swim class: Okay, who can tell me one thing we can wear to protect ourselves from the sun?
Three-year-old boy, after much thought: Teeth!

YMCA
Easton, Pennsylvania

Posted on May 27, 2009
Body parts, Default, Guys, Kids, Offers and requests, Pennsylvania, Questions, Teachers

Your Editors Are Baffled, but Amused

Girl #1: I wish there were swing sets at college.
Girl #2: I know. Spain better have swing sets.
Girl #1: For when you're abroad?
Girl #2: No, just in general.

Claremont, California

Overheard by: swinging

Posted on May 26, 2009
California, Default, Education, Geography, Girls, Offers and requests, Questions, Wishes

Alice Had Yet to Learn to Scream “Back the Fuck Off Me!”

Terrifyingly cheerful woman, handing out christian pamphlets at bus stop: Hello! Would you like something to read on the bus?
Girl, already reading large book: I'm, uh…I'm already…
Crazy looking hobo, scoffing and muttering to girl: People can be insane.

Los Angeles, California

Posted on May 24, 2009
Books, California, Crazies, Default, Girls, Hobos, Offers and requests, Public transportation, Questions, Weirdness, Women

Offers and requests

Ad: Have You Sustained a U.D.I.?