…to Our Lord Jesus Christ.

Librarian at info desk: How are you today?
Gloomy guy: Not very well.
Librarian: Why not?
Guy: Oh, my girlfriend's being mean to me… Are you single?
Librarian, unfazed: No, I'm married.

West Lafayette, Indiana

Overheard by: Rachel S.

Posted on July 17, 2018
Clients, Employees, Feelings, Indiana, Questions, Relationships, Stores

Presenting This Year's Sweetest Rejection

Tall Hispanic woman to one-legged Hispanic man in wheelchair: Nigga, I get with you, I have triplets–got that supersperm!

Miami, Florida

Overheard by: chuck

Posted on July 11, 2018
Florida, Latinas, Pride, Relationships, Weirdness

Yet You Divorced Your Third Husband for Peeing in Your Shoes?

Woman on cell: I've been through many husbands, but the dog has been with me for 14 years! Men can be replaced but the dog stays!

Bellingham, Washington

Overheard by: sara

Posted on July 3, 2018
Animals, Compare and contrast, Feelings, On the phone, Relationships, Time Management, Washington, Women

At Least, I Can't.

Grey-haired grandma to another: Of course, it was worse for him because she left to become a lesbian. (pause) And you can't help thinking of all that licking.

Norfolk Island

Overheard by: kk

Posted on June 24, 2018
Australia, Default, Old folks, Relationships, Sex, Sexuality, Weirdness, Women

And Neither Could God

College student: So first my girlfriend and I split, then I got accepted into the frat, and then I found god…I couldn't handle spring break after that weekend.

Georgetown University
Washington, DC

Posted on June 20, 2018
Colleges & Universities, Default, Education, God, Relationships, Students, Washington, DC

Wouldn't Want People to Think I'm Less Than a Lady

20-year-old female emo: So basically, after hours of arguing outside his house, I was so fed up I told him to fucking suck my dick.
30-year-old female friend: Wow, what happened after that?
20-year-old female emo: I left. He was being such a fucking cunt. I wanted to piss in his mouth. He made me drive home drunk!
30-year-old female friend: He could at least offer to like, let you spend the night.
20-year-old female friend: Like, I don't even know, he's such a bitch boyfriend. I honestly hopes he gets the herpes.
30-year-old female friend: You have such a dirty mouth.
20-year-old female emo: Oh, is my lipstick smudged or something?

Starbucks
San Francisco, California

Posted on June 7, 2018
California, Default, Friends, Girls, Maladies, Pee, Penis, Questions, Relationships, Restaurants, Sex, Wishes

And That Includes the Guy Who Kept Trying to Stab Me with His Toast-Points

Goofy man wearing “pimp” shirt and “I love boobies” bracelet: Yes! Our theater is closer to my bathroom. Ha ha, you lose!
Attractive brunette : You are the worst blind date ever!

Movie Theater
Monterey ,California

Overheard by: Arkham patient