Perhaps It’s Time to Repair the Hole in Our Shared Wall

Girl: So, felching is when I rim you, right?
Guy: Something like that.
Girl: Is it like a frumpie? I think I’m more comfortable getting fucked in the ass by a girl than a guy. I mean, it’s like the oral thing — I’d rather lick a pussy while you fuck me than suck a dick.
Guy: Alright.
Girl: I can’t believe your neighbor knocked on your door to shut us up! That was too funny.
Guy: She’s British. She doesn’t really understand rough sex, just tea and finding her husband in her thongs.

Hop’s Grill and Bar
Gainesville, Florida

Overheard by: just trying to eat dinner without hearing the word ‘frumpie’

Posted on November 30, 2013
Creepsters, Florida, Kink, Restaurants

Thanks, Pfizer!

60-year-old dad to son while leaving restaurant: Thanks for joining us for lunch. It was good. Now I can go home and spread my seed.

Chinese restuarant, 5 Mile and Merriman Road
Livonia, Michigan

Posted on November 25, 2013
Cum, Dads, Michigan, Restaurants

Now I Know What That Sensation Means

Waitress #1: At least you didn’t pee your pants like you did yesterday.
Waitress #2: I know, right?

Steak-n-Shake
Cleveland, Ohio

Overheard by: pee bee

Posted on November 10, 2013
Ohio, Pee, Restaurants, Servers

The Plot Of Every Romantic Comedy, in a Nutshell.

Loud hipster on cell, in quiet restaurant: If you went into the jungle, I wouldn't follow you because I don't trust you! (pause) Awesome! Let's hang out.

Vancouver
Canadia

Overheard by: Mrs. Rollins

Posted on September 10, 2010
Canadia, Hipsters, Offers and requests, On the phone, Relationships, Restaurants

Stay Away from Drugs, Kids!

Teen ordering at Subway: Yeah, I want mustard.
Teen friend: No way. Mustard?
Teen ordering: I like mustard.
Teen friend: Omigod, I'm telling Paul* and he's never gonna talk to you again.
Teen ordering: What? Omigod! No, don't!
Teen friend, pulling out phone and dialing: Too late.
Teen ordering, almost crying: I like Paul*!
Teen friend, answering phone: Hello? Paulie! Natasha* loves mustard. (pause) Oh. Never mind, Paul* likes mustard.
Cashier: Um, are you two drunk?
Teen ordering, wide-eyed: Do you like mustard?

Subway
Alabama

Overheard by: they were drunk.

Posted on August 20, 2010
Alabama, Employees, Food, Restaurants, Teens, Weirdness

Also How He Chooses a House Of Worship.

20-something guy, entering taqueria with friends: There better be a midget in a sombrero offering me salsa as soon as I get in the door, or I'm gonna be pissed.

San Francisco, Calfornia

Overheard by: Alex

Posted on August 1, 2010
Food, Friends, Guys, Restaurants, San Francisco, Stupidity, Threats, Weirdness

…Look What Happened to Me!

Pregnant mother to son: Stop throwing daddy's meat around!

Outback Steakhouse
Parsippany, New Jersey

Posted on July 8, 2010
Family, Food, New Jersey, Parenting, Penis, Preggers, Restaurants

Until Its Sour Cream Came Out

Girl to girlfriend: If our burritos were in jail, my burrito would rape your burrito.

Chipotle
Northridge, California

Posted on April 19, 2010
California, Compare and contrast, Food, Girls, Restaurants, Sex, Violence

Just Chillin' in Central Park

Man on cell: Did I say Boston? I'm sorry, I was just in Boston, that's why I said that. Atlanta, I'm in Atlanta right now.

Beacon Hill Starbucks
Boston, Massachusetts

Posted on April 5, 2010
Lies, Massachusetts, On the phone, Restaurants, US Geography

Frankly, You Should Be More Worried About That Burrito

Five-year-old girl to ten-year-old sister: I don't know what you're so worried about. As long as it's not you who throws the first punch, the principal won't yell at you. That's always what happens with me.

Taco Bell
Plainview, New York

Overheard by: Tina

Posted on March 31, 2010
Education, Kids, New York, Restaurants, Violence

Restaurants