Tall guy: My girlfriend’s ex-boyfriend had an eight inch penis.
Younger friend girl: What!? Why would she tell you that?!
Tall guy: I guess she just thought I should know.
Younger friend girl: No, here’s a better question. Why would you tell me that!?
Chick-fil-A
Houston, Texas
Guy to friends: No, I mean he’s really in love with her, like reeeeally in love. He left his trailer, and moved in with his parents.
Buffalo Wild Wings
Winchester, Virginia
Suit #1: I can’t believe I’ve lost them again!
Suit #2: Are we talking about dildos still or the midgets?
McDonald’s Parking Lot
St. Louis, Missouri
Overheard by: I wish I heard the first part of this conversation
20-something hipster girl to another: So, anyway, no one is pregnant.
Sorella’s Diner
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Julianna
Barista guy, gesturing toward mug of Sharpies: Are you aware that these markers cost ninety-nine cents each?
Barista chick: Are you aware that I want to get my nipples pierced?
Starbuck’s, Castro Street
Mountain View, California
Overheard by: touché
Guy: I learned something… What did I learn? I learned that my son is a fatty.
Chick-fil-A
Marietta, Georgia
MIT frat boy #1: I’m just saying, everybody has a strip poker tournament during rush week. We need something different.
MIT frat boy #2: You mean, like, strip risk or battleship?
MIT frat boy #1: Um… Sure.
Chinese Restaurant
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Brian
Preppie guy: … And I said, “That’s why I trade corn futures!” [Entire table erupts in raucous laughter.]
Ethiopian restaurant, 12th & U
Washington, DC
Overheard by: Ladle
Tween girl to crowd of loitering friends: Everyone’s bisexual… except for Jenny.
Outside Starbucks
Avon, Connecticut
Townie to his friend: Yeah well, just because you don’t like your fat wife doesn’t mean I don’t!
Plaza Restaurant
Gettysburg, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Alyssa
