Music history professor, putting a CD in the player: And now we pray to the god of CDs. It’s not good to be a teacher with CDs. They are very stupid things. [Pause.] …It’s not good to be a teacher, perhaps that’s what it is.
Peabody Conservatory
Baltimore, Maryland
Self-centered bimbo to another: I love texting myself, but I told myself: “let me see if I can hold off doing that til Sunday, to see if I can live alone.”
Mamaroneck, New York
Girl: I didn't say I was a lesbian cyborg, I just said I was a cyborg.
Guy: All cyborgs are lesbians.
Townsville
Australia
Girl #1: Vern's breaking down.
Girl #2: Who?
Girl #1: My car.
Girl #2: Oh. I was worried there for a second.
Bellingham, Washington
Middle-aged American tourist woman: The rooms here have strange plugs, I simply cannot use my curling iron! This is outrageous… I want to see the manager immediately!
Hotel Restaurant
Munich
Germany
Overheard by: Dru
Guy playing magic card game with a bunch of friends: All I’m saying is that somewhere, in an alternate universe, there is a table producing coffee!
Clark College
Vancouver, Washington
Three-year-old to mom on bus: Mom, can you show me how to play my dvd?
Mom: Sure. Why are you asking me now?
Three-year-old: In case.
Mom: In case? In case of what?
Three-year-old, matter of factly: In case you die.
Madrid
Spain
Freshman #1: I really use a time machine.
Freshman #2: What for?
Freshman #1: Time travel, dumbass.
Northwestern University
Illinois
Professor, hitting mic and causing feedback: Oops, sorry. [Whispering to self] It’s my android nature.
Human Sexuality class, UCSC
Santa Cruz, California
Professor: How does a microwave work?
Student: Electromagnetic waves.
Professor: Oh, “electromagnetic waves”! That's a fancy way of saying “magic.”
University of Delaware
Overheard by: Magician
