TSA guy #1: Why aren’t you patting everyone down?
TSA guy #2: That’s what the machines are for.
TSA guy #1: Do you see the machines working?! Do you see anyone walking through the machines?!
TSA guy #2: Oh. Oops. Oh, well, it happens.
Denver International Airport
Denver, Colorado
Overheard by: Stephanie
Professor, sighing: Every computer program has its glitches. This one certainly has a glitch, and the glitch is me.
Maine College of Art
Portland, Maine
Overheard by: Misaki
Clueless girl: My computer has a virus.
Computer geek: You need an external hard drive to transfer the files you want to keep.
Clueless girl: Can't I just transfer it to another computer?
Computer geek: No, the virus will spread.
Clueless girl: (blank stare)
Computer geek: Its like fucking someone with AIDS.
Los Angeles, California
Guy on cell: I know of at least two plant and four fish species that could do my job just as well… Now, the fish just came in with touchscreen technology.
Covington, Kentucky
Overheard by: Jesus Freak
Poor overworked guy at counter: Please pardon my ignorance. My computers have collapsed, and that means my brain doesn't work anymore.
International Airport
New Orleans, Louisiana
Overheard by: Meaghan
Weird guy: Did you guys have fun last night?
Weirder guy: Oh, yeah. She jerked me off. But I'm allergic to latex, so she used neoprene gloves from the lab where she works.
Weird guy: Niiiice.
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: That sounds so unpleasant.
Client: We need a giant steam head rising above the booth.
Agency president: Why?
Client: Because people love steam. They’re drawn to it. It’s the power and magic of steam I’m talking about here!
http://adverbatims.blogspot.com/2007/01/i-need-it-4-yesterday-delivery-73.html
Older woman: My first computer was a Commodore 64!
Younger woman: A what? That sounds like a sex toy.
Western Michigan University
Kalamazoo, Michigan
Guy: You know when you do a “Find File” in Windows? Yeah. I want to kill the little animated dog… It bothers me.
Girl: Hahaha… Yeah. It’s better than the paperclip.
Guy: Meh… Only because he doesn’t pop up unexpectedly. Clippy was kind of cool if he weren’t in the way.
Girl: Thats what he wants you to think! He makes you feel bad for hating him!
Guy: Why this makes me want to have an animated kitten running around my desktop, I don’t know. I used to have such a program.
Girl: I had a stripper on my laptop. She danced and stripped whenever music came on.
Guy: You’re such a closet nympho.
Girl: Yeah. For my dreams class, we have to write all our dreams down and share them with the class. Last night I dreamt I was trekking through a jungle in gold prada heels to find my doctor to get an HIV test. I’m not sure I want the class psychoanalyzing that one.
Portland, Maine
Professor: I invent things too! My great invention is this toast, and you make it in a toaster, and then you stick it in the freezer. And, like, when you want toast, you just put it back in the toaster…
Students: (confused silence)
Professor: Man, no one understands me! (stomps out)
SUNY
Geneseo, New York
Overheard by: Jeni
