Train

Late 20s drone in front of train operator’s door: Excuse me, can you move forward? The operator said I’m blocking the window.
Late 40s suit: No, you move forward. This is my spot.
Late 20s drone: We’re both blocking the window, and I can’t move unless you do.
Late 40s suit: I’m not moving.
Late 20s drone, groaning: You’re an ass.
Late 40s suit: No, you’re an ass.
Late 20s drone, pushing past: Oh, fuck you.
Late 40s suit, mocking: Oh, fuck you.
Late 20s drone: Good luck in third grade.

BART train, Bay Point – Daly City line
San Francisco, California

Overheard by: baby boomers must die

Tube train announcer: We're just waiting for a platform to come free at the next station. Thank you for your patience.
Small boy, thoughtfully: They don't *know* that we're being patient. We could all be banging on the windows and screaming.

Tube
London
England

Overheard by: Matt W

Little girl, in Arabic, as she sits in the train: Smells like cotton candy!
Mother, in French: Yeah, you're right, it smells like cotton candy. (to grandmother) Don't you think it smells like cotton candy?
Young black woman, sitting in the next row, smiling: It's me. It's my perfume.
Mother: Really?! What is it?
Young black woman: Vanilla and cotton candy.
Mother: Really? My girl told me it smells like the amusement park. At first I thought it was the cleaning product they used to wash the train floor. (pause) It smells really good.

C Train
Paris
France

Overheard by: BBM Tm

30-something suit: He was like… The Jesus of bad news.

Train Station
Fairfield, Connecticut

Drunk dude to girl: You will get absolutely no penis in your life! None!

Transit Train
New Jersey

Overheard by: Russ

College kid #1: You know what would be tight? If we got some of those plastic containers from Ikea.
College kid #2: Oh yeah, that shit's stackable, yo.

Subway
Boston, Massachusetts

Old man on subway to perfect stranger: So I give this woman three eggs to put in her pocket. You know, crack. And, can you hold this?
(young woman holds coffee for him)
Old man: So I've got these eggs…

Subway
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

Girl: I am not an amoeba, I'm a free man!

Chatswood Station
Sydney
Australia

Woman on cell: You know what you should do? You should punch her in the temple. (pause) Well, you need to punch her in the temple so you can resolve this in a professional manner.

MARTA Train
Atlanta, Georgia

Conductor, at the end of introductory speech: And, ladies and gentlemen, in the event of an emergency… you all know what to do.

Train
St. Louis, Missouri