Train

Ad: Kathleen Turner Is… Bendy Vadge, P.I.!

Loud, stoned, drunk guy on train: Dude, I totally saw Melissa pee standing up before.
Loud, stoned, drunk girl: That is impossible! Seriously, that doesn't even make any sense! You'd get piss all over your leg!
Loud, stoned, drunk guy: No way, I saw her just take one leg out of her pants and prop it up against a tree, and it just shot down! She didn't get any anywhere!
Loud, stoned, drunk girl: Do you even understand female anatomy?! It doesn't work the same way as you! We can't do that! Melissa didn't do that!
Loud, stoned, drunk guy: Dude, if you can't pee standing up, then you've just got a bendy vag.

Chicago, Illinois

Overheard by: Wizzbiff

And Who You Callin’ a Dias?

Old man with mullet to brown child in stroller: Buenos dias, niñito.
Woman pushing stroller: We’re black. He knows English.

Gallivan Center Trax Station
Salt Lake City, Utah

Last Time I Use Flammable Lube

Man on phone: So I took my dick out of her ass and started smoking a cigarette… What else was I supposed to do?

Subway
New York City, New York

…And If You Have Any Train-Driving Experience, Please Report to the Front Car.

Conductor: Welcome on board the 4:15 service to Wolverhampton, calling at Smethwick, Sandwell and… Oh god, my head… (mic cuts out for a while) Sandwell… and Dudley, and Wolverhampton… (breathes heavily, deep sigh, mic cuts out again)

Birmingham to Wolverhampton Train
England

Overheard by: xSJBx

My Train Is Like the Hotel California, Beeyotch.

Black woman #1: I hate when people wait to the last minute to try and get off at a stop.
Black woman #2: Mmm-hmm.
Black woman #1: I don't let them past if they try to do that shit.
Black woman #2: What you do?
Black woman #1: I'll push their mothafuckin' ass back on the train!

Subway
New York City

It's Easy for the Deaf to Maintain Friendships

Old woman #1: She tried putting it everywhere, in the lamp and the overhead light, nothing worked.
Old woman #2: The violin is not my favorite instrument. It's too high pitched.
Old woman #1: I'm worried someone might steal the soup from the church, you never know who's in there now.
Old woman #2: Of course Justin never paid that bill, so I covered it for him.

Train
Melbourne
Australia

It's My Prerogative

Young pregnant mother, gratefully accepting seat on crowded tram: Come over here and sit with mummy, Adam.
Four-year-old: Noooooooooo.
Mother: C'mon, Adam, come sit with mummy.
Four-year-old: Noooooooo (but slinks over and sits down anyway)
Mother: Better?
Four-year-old: You've ruined my life, mom.
Mother: Yes, honey, I know.

Melbourne
Australia

Overheard by: Soap Oprah

It's Not Every Day You Get to Have Your Face Smushed Against a Complete Stranger

Conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, we are normally a six-car train. Today they gave us four cars. I cried, I begged, but to no avail. (10 minutes later) Next stop, Secaucus! Hang on, we're gonna make it!

Transit Train
New Jersey

Overheard by: twoferrets

Now I’m Working on a Novel About Them

Suit on the Taipei subway: After I went home that day, I kept thinking about hemorrhoids.

http://talovich.blogspot.com/2008_06_01_archive.html#8096816716191692834

Overheard by: Yugan

Everyone There Has Given Up on Life Anyway

Father: Honey, you can’t cry on the train. The conductor will kick us off.
Young daughter, crying: Can I cry on the bus?
Father, after thoughtful pause: Sure, you can cry on the bus.

MBTA Green Line
Boston, Massachusetts

Overheard by: Joe

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