Being the Midwest Corn Princess Is Not Without Its Benefits

Hot brunette to guy friend: I just really want to get it, you know, so I can fuck it in its ear.
Guy: Ugh, me too!

Liberty State Park, New Jersey

Overheard by: Julia

Posted on January 12, 2010
Bimbettes, Body parts, Friends, Guys, Kink, New Jersey, Wishes

Trust Me– I Saw It on Ellen.

Nurse: We had the father bless the house when we moved in, but weird stuff keeps happening. I don't think the spirits are happy.
Secretary: Happy? You need the priest to exorcise your house! You want the spirits to be gone, not just happy!

Hospital
Burlingame, California

Overheard by: Just here for the paycheck

Posted on January 6, 2010
California, Doctor's office, Employees, Happiness, Magic, Nurses, Religion, Weirdness, Wishes

That's What I Love About You– You're Not Afraid to Take Risks

Girl #1: I pulled out my knuckle hair with my teeth just now.
Girl #2: What? What the hell?
Girl #1: I was bored. And I wanted to see what it would feel like.
(silence)
Girl #1: It felt like a pinch.

Columbia, Missouri

Posted on January 6, 2010
Body parts, Compare and contrast, Feelings, Girls, Hair, Missouri, Sensory experiences, Wishes

…And Pour Some More Bailey's Into My Mug.

Store employee: Would you like to try a free sample of hot cocoa?
Nine-year-old daughter, impatient: Come on, mom! We need to get to your appointment!
Mom: Shut up! There's always time for free cocoa. Here!
Nine-year-old daughter: I don't want any.
Mom: Then just shut up.

Minnetonka, Minnesota

Posted on December 30, 2009
Employees, Food, Kids, Minnesota, Moms, Parenting, Wishes

Ooh, and Some Scrambled Eggs!

Girl to friend: I'm going to order a pint. Or do we just want to split a pitcher?
Friend: I'm pregnant, remember?
Girl: Oh, yeah. But I thought you were planning to abort it?
Friend: I am. (sighs) Okay, let's get a pitcher.

Bar
Zwankendamme
Belgium

Posted on December 27, 2009
Abortion, Bars & Clubs, Belgium, Drinking & drunks, Friends, Girls, Pregnancy, Questions, Wishes

Rather a Creature Who Hates All Happiness

Professor, on Dante's version of the devil: This is not like one of those vampire things that are good-looking and want to suck your blood, and that makes you happy.

University of Pittsburgh
Pennsylvania

Posted on December 26, 2009
Beauty, Books, Colleges & Universities, Evil, Happiness, Pennsylvania, Teachers, Weirdness, Wishes

She's Awfully Peesnickety

Drunk guy: I'm so happy I'm a guy. I don't have to wipe after I pee.
Tipsy girl: You should really wipe if you want Lisa* to suck your dick.

Bayonne, New Jersey

Posted on December 24, 2009
BJs, Drinking & drunks, Drunks, Girls, Guys, Happiness, Health & Hygiene, New Jersey, Pee, Penis, Sexuality, Stupidity, Wishes

Clustered Around the Mayonnaise and Wonder Bread

Aunt: Jared*, put the toy back. We are going to go over to K-Mart, because they have a better selection.
Four-year-old: I don't want to go to K-Mart, auntie! There's too many white people over there!

Ocean City, Maryland

Overheard by: His (embarassed) Mother