Wishes

Drunk JAP, yelling at boyfriend: I can't deal with your shit anymore! You don't respect me, you ridicule me in front of my friends. You tell me my dog doesn't deserve to live in a house as big as mine! I don't want to live like this!

Long Island, New York

Overheard by: Jill and Weenie

Girl #1: Oh, Kill Bill is on this week!
Girl #2: Yeah.
Girl #1: I wanna watch that. I think I'd really like it. I really like martial arts films.
(pause)
Girl #1: So, is Bill the name of the guy she wants to kill?
Girl #2, incredulous: Uh-huh.

Perth
Australia

Flight attendant to woman putting luggage in the only overhead compartment left: Ma'am, if you put your luggage there, but go way up front, when the plane lands, you'll have to wait to deplane until everyone else has because you can't go back here if you're up front when people are trying to exit the plane.
Woman: But this is my only option!
Flight attendant: You could sit in the back.
Woman: No!

Allegiant Airline
Ft. Wayne, Indiana

Overheard by: ISPgypsy

Dad, changing son's diaper: Why don't you want to wear a diaper? You want to run around naked and piss and poop all over the floor?
Son: Yeah!
Dad: What are you, an anarchist?

New Jersey

Loud eighth grader: Michael's such a douche, all he wants to do is get in my pants.
Even louder teacher: You're in eighth grade, you shouldn't be letting anybody in your pants!

Potomac, Maryland

Overheard by: Math is my new favorite subject…

Teenage boy to teenage girl: I wish I could get in the car with lesbians… Wait, no, I don't.

Tinton Falls, New Jersey

Little nine-year-old kid with megaphone: You are going to go to hell, you know! The Apocalypse is coming! Are you ready? If you are drinking, you are a bad mother!
Army man #1, standing nearby: Do we have permission to fire?
Army man #2: I wish.

The Kentucky Derby

Overheard by: Kdub-ya

Teary-eyed teen: But I don't wanna work…I wanna go to Istanbul!

Palmer, Alaska

Asian girl: Can I have two penises?

Market Street
San Francisco, California

Guy: If I had a vagina I'd have all kinds of stuff up there. (pause) I'd use it as a shower caddy.

Hoboken, New Jersey

Overheard by: Laura