Five-year-old boy: How old are you?
Tutor: Twenty.
Five-year-old boy: Yeah, well, do you know how to make a monkey?
Dallas, Texas
Five-year-old boy: How old are you?
Tutor: Twenty.
Five-year-old boy: Yeah, well, do you know how to make a monkey?
Dallas, Texas
Kid: I want to go swimming!
Dad: They don’t have any smoking rooms here, and I gotta smoke. We have to go somewhere else.
Kid: Can’t you just go outside and smoke?
Dad: It’s snowing outside! You’d like it if I had to go out in the cold and snow just so you could go swimming, wouldn’t you?
Kid: But they have a pool here! I want to go in the pool!
Dad: That’s all you do… All you do is think about yourself! I gotta smoke!
204 Hendersonville Road
Asheville, North Carolina
Overheard by: Taryn
Teen girl #1: Your dad could be a plumber because of his moustache.
Teen girl #2: My dad doesn’t have a moustache.
Teen girl #1: Well I wish he did.
Teen girl #2: Too bad, bitch!
North Bay
Ontario
Canadia
Crazy hobo in McDonald’s line: Does the McDuplo come with fries?
Mcworker: Only if you get the combo. Would you like the combo?
Crazy hobo in McDonald’s line: Son of a bitch! This is McDonald’s. I want fries with my fucking sandwich. [he throws up on the floor, then walks away muttering.]Mcworker to other mcworker: I wish I was dead.
McDonald’s
Belo Horizonte
Brazil
Blonde: I wish I was a dad. It would be so funny!
Wellington
New Zealand
Overheard by: Sars
Pilot: Before we start our ascent, an important question: Anyone here from the North Allegheny high school class of ’68? [silence] I always ask. I’m hoping at some point I’ll find my old girlfriend.
JetBlue flight
Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Ladle
MIT frat boy #1: I’m just saying, everybody has a strip poker tournament during rush week. We need something different.
MIT frat boy #2: You mean, like, strip risk or battleship?
MIT frat boy #1: Um… Sure.
Chinese Restaurant
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Brian
Fat kid: Mom, I wanna go on a diet.
Fat mom: You don’t need to go on a diet, you’re too young!
Fat kid: You aren’t too young.
Fat mom: Shush.
Meat Section at Publix
Orlando, Florida
Overheard by: Trevor Allen
British professor: I was walking around Oxford one day and I heard these two young lads, couldn’t have been more than eight, say “bitches and hoes.”
Student: Could you please say that phrase again?
British professor: … No.
University of San Diego
San Diego, California
Overheard by: Leah
Teen girl wearing a warm jacket: Hey, Kim.
Kim: [Wearing pretty much nothing.] Oooh, you look warm! Can I put my hand inside you?
Los Angeles, California
