Student: Hey, sir, did you hear about James?
Teacher: No.
Student: He’s got fifteen people living in his head. Want to join them?
Teacher: No, not a chance.

Bristol, Vermont

Overheard by: Misaki

Cute, 20‐something, professional woman: You know, sometimes I just really wish I knew what it’s like to be slutty!


Overheard by: chino latino

Six‐year‐old girl: Dad, I want to see snow!
Six‐year‐old girl’s twin: Me toooo!
Dad: But girls, it doesn’t snow down here – you have to go up north for that.
Six‐year‐old girl: Then let’s go up north!
Six‐year‐old girl’s twin: To the North Pole!
Dad: Yeah! But you know what, mom won’t let us.

Baton Rouge, Louisiana

College girl: I really want to go as Superman!
Friend: You aren’t going to stuff your crotch, are you?

Melbourne University

20‐something girl on cell: I had the malpractice ball this last weekend. It was in the Weisman Museum… kind of lame, not a lot of space. (pause) But I didn’t bring a flask this year, so it was a little conservative, definitely a limited amount of alcohol. (pause) Are you going home for Passover? (pause) Oh my, are you converting? (pause) Yeah, I want to know what this whole Jerry Springer photo thing is all about.


Overheard by: burrhead

Teenage girl on cell: I’m not saying that I want to be famous, I know not everyone can be famous, I’m just saying that’s the one thing I’ve always, like, aspired to, just a beautiful connection.


Scruffy guy: Shit, I’d suck dick for money. I’ve always kind of wished I was a girl so I could be a stripper… or a whore.

Gainesville, Florida

Teenage girl: You know what I wish I had?
Teenage boy, not paying attention: Uh‐huh.
Teenage girl: A penis… I’d just go shoving it into people’s butts.
Teenage boy: Wait… What?
Teenage girl, whispering to herself: I wish I had a penis.


Student #1: The professor wanted us to list our ten favorite books.
Student #2: So?
Student #1: All I could think of was “If You Give a Mouse a Cookie.”

East Carolina University
Greenville, North Carolina

Man to friend: She makes me want to cheat on my wife in front of my wife.

Exchange Place, New Jersey

Overheard by: John