Body parts

Student selling pink ribbon bracelets: Professor, would you like to buy some bracelets? They're for a good cause.
Professor: Sure, I'll take five. One for each appendage.

Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

Guy: I was really pissed off. Then you bit me on the shoulder. Three times.
Girl: (laughs hysterically)

DePaul University
Chicago, Illinois

Overheard by: University Peon

Freshman, before 8 am final: My internal alarm clock was like, “Dude, I didn't fucking go off!”

Burlington, Vermont

Blonde guy: And it burned the whole way down! I think my esophagus hemorrhaged.
Skinny guy: Hey, at least you didn't eat nine bowls of pudding.

Kansas State University

Overheard by: Michele

Guy on cell walking past elephants: I'm watching elephants pour shit on their heads. Yeah, I'm watching elephants pour shit on their heads. Okay. Bye.

Busch Gardens
Tampa Bay, Florida

20-something loud man: I would not put my dick in her ear. That's how not interested I am.

Norman, Oklahoma

Tutor: So what are some things you associate with lemons?
Student #1: Yellow!
Student #2: Energy!
Student #3: Gin-an-tonic!
Tutor: What? Genitalia? Who said genitalia?

Massey University
Wellington
New Zealand

Tayal tribesman bus driver: Sir, do you want to get off at this stop?
Old man: Yes, I want off at this stop, I am going to the dentist's.
Bus driver: What's wrong?
Old man: I have to have a tooth pulled. Can you believe that? I'm 82 but I still have to have a tooth pulled.
Bus driver: If you're going to have one pulled, you may as well have a bunch taken out.
Old man: That won't do, false teeth are expensive.
Bus driver: Then have boar tusks put in.
Old man: Boar tusks?
Bus driver (very earnestly): Yes, you can have two tusks put in on the lower jaw, and when they grow, they'll look great! (uses his fingers to demonstrate how the tusks would look growing out of his mouth)
Old man (laughing): It would take a long time for them to grow.
Bus driver: Not long! You're an old boar, but I'm just a young boar, so yours would grow much faster than mine!
(old man gets off bus laughing cheerfully)

http://talovich.blogspot.com/2008_08_01_archive.html#4067720002953022860

Overheard by: Yugan Dali

Art student: He told me he really relates to my organs.

University of Washington
Seattle, Washington

Teen #1: Did you know tumors can sometimes grow hair and teeth?
Teen #2, stunned: Um, those aren’t tumors. Th-those are babies.

Wild Thyme Restaurant
Queenstown
New Zealand