Body parts

Boy to giggling girl #1: I like your eyelashes, they're really long.
(jealous silence)
Giggling girl #2: The rest of us have eyelashes too!

Twickenham
England

Overheard by: Becca

Wildly bearded hobo riding rusty bicycle and wearing only one shoe and parachute pants: Why, hello miss. Would you be interested in entering into a mutually beneficial body massage arrangement?
Surprised, redheaded woman: Uhhhhh, not today, thank you.
Hobo: I'll try back later.

Queen West
Toronto
Canadia

CPR class instructor: So when they sent the babies to us, they forgot to include the faces…

University of Miami, Florida

Overheard by: Zach

Weird lady getting her hair cut: The nail just wouldn't stay down on my toe. So because it was all loose, junk kept getting in there. The doctor basically told me that junk would just keep getting in there.
Stylist: Wow!
(a minute later)
Weird lady getting her hair cut: If I could have one of those guys do my wedding, I'd be all like, “here's a doily and a paper cup, see what you can do.”
Stylist: Yeah.
Weird lady getting her hair cut: I mean if you can't have a bangin wedding in Puerto Rico, you might as well see what you can get from a doily and a paper cup here.
Stylist: Yeah.

Supercuts
Pennsylvania

Girl: Hey, what about that time we went duck hunting naked and…
Random passerby: That sounds like fun!

Georgetown
Washington, DC

Student selling pink ribbon bracelets: Professor, would you like to buy some bracelets? They're for a good cause.
Professor: Sure, I'll take five. One for each appendage.

Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

Guy: I was really pissed off. Then you bit me on the shoulder. Three times.
Girl: (laughs hysterically)

DePaul University
Chicago, Illinois

Overheard by: University Peon

Freshman, before 8 am final: My internal alarm clock was like, “Dude, I didn't fucking go off!”

Burlington, Vermont

Blonde guy: And it burned the whole way down! I think my esophagus hemorrhaged.
Skinny guy: Hey, at least you didn't eat nine bowls of pudding.

Kansas State University

Overheard by: Michele

Guy on cell walking past elephants: I'm watching elephants pour shit on their heads. Yeah, I'm watching elephants pour shit on their heads. Okay. Bye.

Busch Gardens
Tampa Bay, Florida