Bringing it back to you

Girl inside stall: I love my vagina!

Bathroom in Bar
New Haven, Connecticut

Girl #1: You're retarded.
Girl #2: Yeah, me too.

San Diego, California

Starbucks employee: Actually, most of the stores in the city are out of soy today.
Pompous customer: Well, what am I supposed to do? Starve?

Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

Overheard by: Ho Lexington III

Guy: Have you ever seen me suck the tip of my penis?

Jersey City, New Jersey

Girl #1: Oh my god, so remember how Ben stopped talking to me and I was pissed but now I’m totally over it and whatever? Well, it turns out that what I didn’t know was that his mother was dying and he was held up at knife point for like 20 minutes and was going through post-traumatic stress… And then I went home for reading week and didn’t call him because I thought he wasn’t talking to me, and that was apparently, like, the straw that broke the camel’s back — like, he really needed me and I wasn’t there for him or something.
Girl #2: Wow. It’s like, ‘Thanks for making me feel like a total bitch.’
Girl #1: I know!

Sixteen-year-old blonde goth: I think I want to be a lesbian.
Teenage friend: I thought you were one.

Salem, Oregon

Overheard by: Geneva

High school student: People are often uncomfortable when they're naked…
Male professor: Now, that's just not true, because I'm never uncomfortable when I'm naked, and you wanna know why? Because whenever I am naked, fun ensues.

Charlotte, North Carolina

Woman, watching magnificent poodle: Oh my god, that's the most beautiful dog in the world!
Man, wounded: Hey! I'm the most beautiful dog in the world!

Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

Pretentious student to professor: There were a lot of people there. Interesting people. But most of them weren't as interesting as me.

University of Maine
Orono, Maine

Teacher: Oh my god, I love you, Erica! You're like a little me!
Student: Ew!

Middle School

Overheard by: Eh, there are worse things