Guy, chuckling: Can you give me a blowjob?
Girl, also chuckling: No! Why would I do that?
Guy: Come on! Please?
Girl: No! (laughs)
Guy: Why not?
Girl: Just… No. Guy, please, there has to be some reason, just, why not?
Girl: There is no reason, I'm just not giving you a blowjob.
Guy: Oh. Come on! Please? There has to be a reason why.
Girl: I'm not giving you a blowjob because… (sighs) My mom says you would be a choking hazard, and I don't want to choke.
High School
Canadia
Teen goth girl to crying friend: Ignore the guys. They’re all jerks, especially at this age. Go for the ones that are, like, twenty. Actually, that’s a little young. I aim for the men in their 30s or 40s. That way their kids are your age, so you can bond better with them.
Heritage Park
Calgary, Alberta
Canadia
Overheard by: c.j.
Girl #1: You’ve written “2007” instead of “2008” on your exam sheet.
Girl #2: Yeah, so? It was a better time, ok?
University of Guelph
Canadia
Professor: Temperature is an example of an invented reality. Temperature doesn’t exist. It’s all in our minds. It’s either hot or cold out, but what are “degrees” really? Nothing!
Student: Actually, temperature is scientifically calculated by… (goes on to give long, technical explanation)
Professor: Really? I’m going to have to go look that up on Wikipedia. I get all of my information from Wikipedia.
University of Toronto
Canadia
Overheard by: Glad you’re teaching us then…
Girl to pregnant friend: You're just like Mary, mother of Jesus…except she knew who the father was.
Toronto
Canadia
Hobo, panhandling to passer-bys: Can anyone spare some change so I can buy a little wine, some booze, some cheese, a little pot… Maybe some nuclear weapons…
Vancouver
Canadia
Overheard by: http://psychedelicmess.blogspot.com
Teenage girl on bus: Oh, fuck. What is this world coming to? It's like it gets worse and worse.
Teenage guy sitting beside her: What? No. This wouldn't be the worst thing that's happened. Bad things happen all the time. Think about worse things going on right now, or that have been going on, for like, forever.
Teenage girl: It feels like it's getting worse, though.
Teenage guy: But it's not, though.
Teenage girl: Yeah, but, these bad things keep happening. It always keeps happening.
(pause)
Teenage guy: I wanna go see Watchmen.
Teenage girl: Don't, I heard it's not that good.
Bus
Ontario
Canadia
Hipster guy to two girls with horrified looks on their faces: So it had been like a zit or a boil when he was seventeen, but because it never got treated… There was, like, a tunnel, and then… (passes out of earshot)
The Danforth
Toronto
Canadia
Overheard by: wondering what the hell came after the tunnel
Guy: So yeah, our ice cream is good. It’s not made out of cat.
Ontario
Canadia
Guy to girlfriend: Next break I'm going to hug you like a retard squeezing a hamster!
Burnaby
Canadia
Overheard by: Doesn't Like Hamsters Anyway
