So You Can’t Date Jews or Muslims

Girl #1: Hey, what’s your shoe size?
Girl #2: Six.
Girl #1: I’ve got a pair of shoes that would fit you, if you want them. They smell vaguely of bacon.

Vancouver
British Columbia
Canadia

Posted on August 7, 2015
Canadia, Compare and contrast, Food, Friends, Gifts, Girls, Offers and requests, Sensory experiences, Shoes

My Fingers Are Itching Just Talking about Her

Chick #1: Well, Michelle got pissed because he touched her boob.
Chick #2: Normally I’d take her side, but Michelle is just so… gropable!

Queen’s University at Kingston
Ontario
Canadia

Overheard by: I’ll never teee-eeell!

Posted on August 5, 2015
Canadia, Chicks, Default, Gripes, Rack, Students

And Confusing

10-year-old boy #1: You're a douche.
10-year-old boy #2: Oh, yeah? Well, you're a pickle and a radish in a jar full of lemonade.
10-year-old boy #1: That's mean.

Mississauga
Canadia

Posted on August 2, 2015
Canadia, Compare and contrast, Food, Insults, Kids

Weirdest PTA Meeting Ever.

Girl on cell in crowded elevator: Walking through the naked women was supposed to represent, like, going through the birth canal!

Royal Ontario Museum
Toronto
Canadia

Overheard by: painted_veil

Posted on August 1, 2015
Canadia, Cell phones, Fears, On the phone, Uterus

A Damsel in Distress Can Count on a Guy Peeing on Her

Teen girl #1: I wish a jellyfish would sting me so some handsome guy would run along the beach, whip out his dick and pee on me.
Teen girl #2: What?
Teen girl #1: To neutralize the sting, dumbass.
Teen girl #2: I know that. But still: what?

Carleton University
Ottawa
Canadia

Posted on August 1, 2015
Animals, Canadia, Colleges & Universities, Health & Hygiene, Insults, Kink, Pee, Penis, Questions, Teens, Weirdness, Wishes

Because I Sure Do, As Those of You Who Are My Facebook Friends Know

Physics professor: What do you do to amuse yourselves? You don't play with yourselves?

Guelph
Canadia

Posted on August 1, 2015
Canadia, Default, Feelings, Leisure, Masturbation, Questions, Teachers, Words

Bloated Bellies Are the New Six-Pack

Drunk guy holding a forty: Malt liquor. This is going to get us buff, yo.

Toronto
Canadia

Overheard by: Meech

Posted on August 1, 2015
Canadia, Drinking & drunks, Drunks, Stupidity

Here, I Brought Some to Share With You

Laughing girl: So I was smelling his dirty socks and stuff…
Friends: What?!

Acadia University
Wolfville, Nova Scotia
Canadia

Overheard by: wondering why…

Posted on July 31, 2015
Canadia, Clothes, Colleges & Universities, Default, Friends, Girls, Questions, Weirdness

Unless It Was in Vegas, in Which Case It Stays There.

Defense lawyer, teaching trial advocacy: But remember that in real life, nobody charged with marijuana possession is actually going to go to trial.
Law student: Last summer when I was working at the legal clinic I had a client who was charged with possession go to trial!
Defense lawyer: What? In fifteen years of practice, I've never seen it go to trial.
Law student: Yeah, the prosecutor was being a dick about it too–he wanted jail time.
Defense lawyer: Who was the prosecutor? Tell me his name, I'll tell you if I ever got high with him.

Law School
Canadia

Overheard by: Law student

Posted on July 30, 2015
Canadia, Colleges & Universities, Crimes, Drugs, Memory lane, Names, Stoners, Students, Teachers

Well, Yes, and by 'Yes' I Mean 'No.'

Girl: If Mary was a virgin, wouldn't Jesus have had to kick through the placenta to be born?

Toronto
Canadia

Overheard by: Can't stop thinking about that now at Christmas

Posted on July 30, 2015
Birthing, Body parts, Canadia, Girls, Jesus, Questions, Stupidity, Virginity